Ever find yourself on a spiritual mountain only to look at the people beside you wondering why they didn't even TRY to climb it? If you're are a married woman, do you ever feel like if YOU start growing spiritually you may kick your husband out of the "spiritual leader of the house" role? Do you feel like you settle for a mediocre relationship?
I started reading an amazing book called "The first 90 days of Marriage." Granted it says "first 90 days", but you can read it at any stage of marriage if you are struggling with your roles, your marriage and God, your sex life with your spouse, or just want to better your marriage through a Godly perspective.
I want to live a life that honors God. I want to be the wife that demonstrates Christ's love. I want to have a marriage that reflects Christ and the church. On my mission to change MYSELF, I have found that it is changing my marriage.
Through the book, the husband, Eric Ludy, writes about what a godly husband should look like- giving scenarios about football and sports and the wife, Leslie Ludy, writes about what a godly wife should look like with practical ways to mimic God's ideal. While the first part of the book mainly made me realize how selfish, prideful, and controlling I am, the next part showed me all the potential my husband could have. At first I tried to change my habits.
I am the absolute WORST at admitting when I'm wrong. It has been called to my attention- a lot recently and I just can't seem to say a simple "sorry." It is always followed by a justification. I don't know why... I guess I just feel like if people knew where I was coming from they wouldn't think I was a "bad" person or intentionally being mean. Looking back, I hated not being understood. I also hated crying. I got teased for crying when I was younger so now I just try to avoid things that make me vulnerable or might make me tear up. Unfortunately, this has led to resentment and bitterness in ME because I can't forgive or lay down my pride and admit that I'm wrong.
I let little things get under my skin. They say women's emotions are connected to EVERYTHING and guy's brains are compartmentalized. Guys are only in one moment at a time, but girls RELATE everything to something else- even if they're not sure what it is. I've heard and stated before that if something "small" takes you from 0 to 60 in a couple seconds there's an underlying issue that you need to dig up. And I have a lot to dig up and deal with.
Once my book got to more about the husband's role, I began to get discouraged. When we decorated the tree and he couldn't turn off the football game, I was brought back to the section about the husband putting his family first in THAT football scenario. Or when I'm in the Word, reading Christian books showing me how to change, joining a wives group, and leading a small group all to help me grow, I can't help but wonder what HE'S doing to grow. Which led me to a pit.
I felt like we had settled to be mediocre. I felt defeated. I felt weary and lost.
We had a little "tiff"- of course it was something small that in my mind was connected to something big and I hung up the phone and went to the gym. I was there about 30 minutes reading my book and I kept thinking about "if he only WANTED to do this" or "if he just TRIED to do that."
My book started talking about the importance of growing in Christ together. The couple talked about how they not only pray with each other but study the Bible, WORSHIP, and talked about spiritual issues. They were talking about how church shouldn't be the place you learn the most about Jesus, but in your own relationship with Him. I wanted more than JUST to go to church with my hubby. I wanted more than just to pray at meals. I want the Lord to be intertwined with us.
I realized THIS is what the devil wants- DIVISION. Although I was still mad, I got off the elliptical and headed to the Christian bookstore. I had to stop believing the LIE that my husband didn't want to grow in God or want more than a mediocre marriage. I had to stop believing the LIE that growing in my spiritual walk meant that I was taking the leadership position.
On my way there, I was texting a godly friend, Alyssa, who randomly asked how my marriage was. I thought- funny you should ask at THIS moment. I told her about our tiff and she mentioned how her marriage experiences more arguments when their spiritual lives aren't intertwining. I definitely felt like that was the case. She shared with me that this is our first marriage- our FIRST time being a husband and a wife and I need to learn to have GRACE. She was SO right. It's our first time at this and I shouldn't expect everything to be "perfect." Marriage is a process. It's about forgiveness. It's about selflessness. It's about growing together. It's about being stronger as a couple more than when we were single.
I picked up a couples devotional and a daily quote book to sit on the bathroom counter from the Love Dare book so we could get back in a routine of doing devotions at night and start off the day with a great insight.
When I got home, my pride crept back in. I did NOT want to go apologize and though I'd like to say I sucked it up and went and said sorry, I didn't. We played the silent card for a while until he came upstairs to ask if I wanted to talk.
Here came the tears.
I hate those stinkers.
I shared how I felt and the ROOT of why I was mad... he shared how it's not always that he doesn't WANT to but he doesn't know HOW to go about it. I offered to read some of the "First 90 days of Marriage" that pertained to conflicts and then a few pages about the role of a husband. We got to talk about our experiences with our families growing up and how we want to raise our family. We talked about the importance of not just our individual walks with Jesus, but growing in Christ as a couple.
I loved being reassured that he didn't want to be mediocre, he didn't want to have a modern marriage, he didn't want to stop learning or growing, and we were learning how spur each other on towards the greatest relationship EVER!
After all the reading, crying, talking, and praying, we laid in bed holding hands as we fell asleep. I couldn't help but think "HA satan, you have been DEFEATED." I tear up thinking about that picture even now. We conquered DIVISION with UNITY. We conquered weakness with STRENGTH. We conquered hurt with HEALING.
Just because you're on that mountain top doesn't mean others don't want to be there too! They may just need some encouragement on how to get there. And just because you are growing spiritually does NOT mean you are undermining your husband's position as spiritual leader. Each of you need to spur each other on towards love and good deeds, and all the more as you see that day approaching (Hebrews 10:24-25). We need to lay down our pride, be quick to say sorry, and let things go.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
A Prayer for Direction
I recently started back leading a small group at my house for teenage girls. I decided not to follow a book or study this time so that I could teach about things on a more personal level. I wanted this group to be intimate, a place to confess and find healing, a place of breaking free, a place of fellowship and growth, and a place to find direction and hear God's voice.
Without a book to grab at the last minute (just to read somebody else's words), I have been held accountable to go on a search myself- to the Word, in prayer, and researching Godly counsel. I have opened my ears to let God speak to me in any way. Through this group (and the lack of it), I have ignited and reignited a passion to teach God's word in a way that others can grasp and apply to their own walk with God.
It's crazy, every time I take a break from being fed and feeding others spiritual food (Titus 2), I grow weary and feel almost incomplete- like I'm not using my gifts or reaching my full potential. BUT when I get close to the Lord, I KNOW that I know that I know, I want to be doing KINGDOM work.
I can't think of anything better than to use my gifts and talents to bring others closer to Jesus Christ and make a living in it all. I'm at a point where I could leave it all behind. If He said GO, I'll go. If He says take a pay cut, I'll sacrifice. If He says get more experience, it's my heart's desire.
I want to ask all of you bloggers, readers, and FRIENDS to lift me up in prayer- a prayer to define my direction. I don't know whether God wants me to pursue publishing, become a Bible teacher at a Christian school, or WHAT... BUT I am willing, passionate, and ready!
THANK YOU in advance!
Without a book to grab at the last minute (just to read somebody else's words), I have been held accountable to go on a search myself- to the Word, in prayer, and researching Godly counsel. I have opened my ears to let God speak to me in any way. Through this group (and the lack of it), I have ignited and reignited a passion to teach God's word in a way that others can grasp and apply to their own walk with God.
It's crazy, every time I take a break from being fed and feeding others spiritual food (Titus 2), I grow weary and feel almost incomplete- like I'm not using my gifts or reaching my full potential. BUT when I get close to the Lord, I KNOW that I know that I know, I want to be doing KINGDOM work.
I can't think of anything better than to use my gifts and talents to bring others closer to Jesus Christ and make a living in it all. I'm at a point where I could leave it all behind. If He said GO, I'll go. If He says take a pay cut, I'll sacrifice. If He says get more experience, it's my heart's desire.
I want to ask all of you bloggers, readers, and FRIENDS to lift me up in prayer- a prayer to define my direction. I don't know whether God wants me to pursue publishing, become a Bible teacher at a Christian school, or WHAT... BUT I am willing, passionate, and ready!
THANK YOU in advance!
Monday, November 15, 2010
CharlotteONE
I have mentioned "CharlotteONE" in some of my posts and wanted to share a little about it. This is a group of young professionals that meet downtown on Tuesday nights for praise, worship, a short message, and fellowship.
You don't have to be a part of a particular church or even a church at all to come.
Nobody knows everyone. I used to come by myself a lot last year, and I never felt out of place or awkward. I could sneak in a few minutes after the music started, slide in a pew at the back, and worship and listen by myself. Of course, if you want to reach out to the people next to you, everyone is accepting and excited to meet someone new.
It doesn't last super long- about an hour and 15mins or so.
The worship is upbeat, normally lead by Andy Cherry (who you can find on facebook) and sing a lot of Hillsong United, songs they wrote, and other worship songs.
They have a facebook group that you can become a part of that lists the schedule for Tuesday nights and outreach events if you want to serve in the community.
If you want to listen to some past messages, I encourage you to go to CharlotteONE's media and listen to some of my favs:
- 10/1/2008 Is there a Perfect One for you
- 4/1/2009 Relationships- Purity
- 8/19/2009 The Promise and Power of Persistent Prayer
- 10/14/2009 EpicFail: Peter
- 10/13/2010 Relationship Status: Single
These messages have changed my life in so many ways and opened my eyes to knew things about God. I learned about healing, the heart of God, his love story he wrote for me, and a desire for Him.
You don't have to be a part of a particular church or even a church at all to come.
Nobody knows everyone. I used to come by myself a lot last year, and I never felt out of place or awkward. I could sneak in a few minutes after the music started, slide in a pew at the back, and worship and listen by myself. Of course, if you want to reach out to the people next to you, everyone is accepting and excited to meet someone new.
It doesn't last super long- about an hour and 15mins or so.
The worship is upbeat, normally lead by Andy Cherry (who you can find on facebook) and sing a lot of Hillsong United, songs they wrote, and other worship songs.
They have a facebook group that you can become a part of that lists the schedule for Tuesday nights and outreach events if you want to serve in the community.
If you want to listen to some past messages, I encourage you to go to CharlotteONE's media and listen to some of my favs:
- 10/1/2008 Is there a Perfect One for you
- 4/1/2009 Relationships- Purity
- 8/19/2009 The Promise and Power of Persistent Prayer
- 10/14/2009 EpicFail: Peter
- 10/13/2010 Relationship Status: Single
These messages have changed my life in so many ways and opened my eyes to knew things about God. I learned about healing, the heart of God, his love story he wrote for me, and a desire for Him.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
"Why didn't I obey?"
As I'm planning and preparing for the Bible study for teen girls, I came across the very verses I found myself praying after I came to a dead end.
At the end of a crazy four years of college, I found myself at the bottom of a pit. I've talked in depth about this pit in previous posts, but to sum it all up I'd say I found myself confused, used, broken, and hopeless. The way I was living (wild and carefree) lead me to destruction.
Nothing can describe the loneliness, the regret, the fear, and the feeling of being unworthy because of the things I had done.
Do you ever get to a place where you say Lord I give up? I give up living for me. I give up hurting YOUR heart. I give up wanting my OWN way. I give up trying to fulfill myself with "dead things" that won't last.
I KNEW it was because I had strayed off the path God himself had for me. I didn't follow his laws. I didn't live according to His word. I didn't see the hedge of protection he built for me as "good"... instead, I carved a way out of it to live foolishly.
No one can go back in time and re-do their life. No one can heal themselves. No one can restore their body to purity. No one can erase one night. No one can mend a relationship that was broken. No one can forgive AND forget what someone else has done to them. No one can make their soul happy.
No human can do any of this themselves. They can only turn to the One who is the Healer, who covers your sin and makes you blameless in God's sight, who can give you the strength to forgive, who can bring justice to the people who have hurt you. Turn to the One who puts your sin as far as the East and from the West! Turn to the One who can give you NEW life and a passion for His kingdom.
I realized I was out of God's will because I was in my own. I craved his laws. I craved his provision. I finally saw WHY there were so many rules and why things were wrong or were meant to be saved for a different season. I desired to see the white and black of sin.
If you are struggling with looking for direction, stuck in a pit, wondering what the NEXT step is, or ready to give up... Seek God's word... ask for wisdom... ask God to open your eyes and give you direction... and He will!.. then OBEY!
Here are the verses I desired for my life from Psalm 119:
9-16 How can a young person live a clean life?
By carefully reading the map of your Word.
I'm single-minded in pursuit of you;
don't let me miss the road signs you've posted.
I've banked your promises in the vault of my heart
so I won't sin myself bankrupt.
Be blessed, God;
train me in your ways of wise living.
I'll transfer to my lips
all the counsel that comes from your mouth;
I delight far more in what you tell me about living
than in gathering a pile of riches.
I ponder every morsel of wisdom from you,
I attentively watch how you've done it.
I relish everything you've told me of life,
I won't forget a word of it.
17-24 Be generous with me and I'll live a full life;
not for a minute will I take my eyes off your road.
Open my eyes so I can see
what you show me of your miracle-wonders.
I'm a stranger in these parts;
give me clear directions.
41 Let your love, God, shape my life
with salvation, exactly as you promised;
Then I'll be able to stand up to mockery
because I trusted your Word.
Pretty much the whole chapter was a desire for God to come back into my life. Reveal himself in a BIG way and overflow into a life of holy and wise living.
At the end of a crazy four years of college, I found myself at the bottom of a pit. I've talked in depth about this pit in previous posts, but to sum it all up I'd say I found myself confused, used, broken, and hopeless. The way I was living (wild and carefree) lead me to destruction.
Nothing can describe the loneliness, the regret, the fear, and the feeling of being unworthy because of the things I had done.
Do you ever get to a place where you say Lord I give up? I give up living for me. I give up hurting YOUR heart. I give up wanting my OWN way. I give up trying to fulfill myself with "dead things" that won't last.
I KNEW it was because I had strayed off the path God himself had for me. I didn't follow his laws. I didn't live according to His word. I didn't see the hedge of protection he built for me as "good"... instead, I carved a way out of it to live foolishly.
No one can go back in time and re-do their life. No one can heal themselves. No one can restore their body to purity. No one can erase one night. No one can mend a relationship that was broken. No one can forgive AND forget what someone else has done to them. No one can make their soul happy.
No human can do any of this themselves. They can only turn to the One who is the Healer, who covers your sin and makes you blameless in God's sight, who can give you the strength to forgive, who can bring justice to the people who have hurt you. Turn to the One who puts your sin as far as the East and from the West! Turn to the One who can give you NEW life and a passion for His kingdom.
I realized I was out of God's will because I was in my own. I craved his laws. I craved his provision. I finally saw WHY there were so many rules and why things were wrong or were meant to be saved for a different season. I desired to see the white and black of sin.
If you are struggling with looking for direction, stuck in a pit, wondering what the NEXT step is, or ready to give up... Seek God's word... ask for wisdom... ask God to open your eyes and give you direction... and He will!.. then OBEY!
Here are the verses I desired for my life from Psalm 119:
9-16 How can a young person live a clean life?
By carefully reading the map of your Word.
I'm single-minded in pursuit of you;
don't let me miss the road signs you've posted.
I've banked your promises in the vault of my heart
so I won't sin myself bankrupt.
Be blessed, God;
train me in your ways of wise living.
I'll transfer to my lips
all the counsel that comes from your mouth;
I delight far more in what you tell me about living
than in gathering a pile of riches.
I ponder every morsel of wisdom from you,
I attentively watch how you've done it.
I relish everything you've told me of life,
I won't forget a word of it.
17-24 Be generous with me and I'll live a full life;
not for a minute will I take my eyes off your road.
Open my eyes so I can see
what you show me of your miracle-wonders.
I'm a stranger in these parts;
give me clear directions.
41 Let your love, God, shape my life
with salvation, exactly as you promised;
Then I'll be able to stand up to mockery
because I trusted your Word.
Pretty much the whole chapter was a desire for God to come back into my life. Reveal himself in a BIG way and overflow into a life of holy and wise living.
Monday, November 8, 2010
"In Good Company"
Have you ever felt like everyone is just floating along the river of life, barely getting to know you, barely extending a conversation, barely giving a care? I feel like this world just may be too busy to have time to listen to a friend's story. How often do you offer a shoulder to cry on? How often do you get into a challenging conversation that draws you closer to knowing who you are, why you're here, and possibly closer to the God you haven't had much time for either?
When I get into a dry spell of life, a feeling of emptiness, loneliness and feeling like a failure.. I know I need to turn to the Lord. Thank God, by now, I have at least realized WHERE my hope comes from, even if I happen to lose it occasionally. I started questioning, is this what the rest of my life is going to be? This daily routine, EVERY day of my life?
It's easy to lose vision when you take your eyes off Jesus. It's easy to feel like you are unchangeable and stuck when you aren't moving forward in your walk. It's easy to feel like this is the best your life can get when you aren't hearing God's plans for your life.
I started making sure I was at church on Sunday and then CharlotteONE on Tuesday nights. The Lord began to speak to me again about my passion for people who can't find involvement. He stirs up my desires to see this generation and the ones to follow rise up and meet their savior. He makes me realize the need for Him in this city.
Now that I have a tiny miracle in my belly, a little gift that God is knitting together in my womb, I started recognizing the places I go, the people I'm with, the season I'm in, and the importance, yet temporariness of it all. I get so excited to know my baby is feeling the beats and music of God's people praising Him. I get overwhelmed that I am this child's shelter. I become more accountable knowing that what I do affects another. And that is why I can't forget my calling to lead others to Christ and a life of living holy.
I decided to re-start my girl's Bible study group and I joined a wives mentor group that happen to meet on the same night. This past thursday was the start for both of them, and I can't even begin to describe the purpose, the hope, the vision, the dedication the Lord restored to me, and in abundance!
The ladies I met with were like a breath of God. The potential friendships, the deepness, the honestness, was incredible. HERE are the people that will listen. HERE are the people that will pour their heart out and allow the tears to flow. HERE are the people that KNOW God is in control, but yet are vulnerable enough to share their struggles. I found encouragement. I found peace. I found a challenge for my walk. I found a group of believers that would lay hands on my belly and PRAY for my baby. I found people that CARED.
Again I have the urge to bring that type of friendship, that type of growth, that type of encouragement to anyone who wants it. I encourage all of you to seek out a group of believers that can pour into your soul and others that you can pour out on.
When I get into a dry spell of life, a feeling of emptiness, loneliness and feeling like a failure.. I know I need to turn to the Lord. Thank God, by now, I have at least realized WHERE my hope comes from, even if I happen to lose it occasionally. I started questioning, is this what the rest of my life is going to be? This daily routine, EVERY day of my life?
It's easy to lose vision when you take your eyes off Jesus. It's easy to feel like you are unchangeable and stuck when you aren't moving forward in your walk. It's easy to feel like this is the best your life can get when you aren't hearing God's plans for your life.
I started making sure I was at church on Sunday and then CharlotteONE on Tuesday nights. The Lord began to speak to me again about my passion for people who can't find involvement. He stirs up my desires to see this generation and the ones to follow rise up and meet their savior. He makes me realize the need for Him in this city.
Now that I have a tiny miracle in my belly, a little gift that God is knitting together in my womb, I started recognizing the places I go, the people I'm with, the season I'm in, and the importance, yet temporariness of it all. I get so excited to know my baby is feeling the beats and music of God's people praising Him. I get overwhelmed that I am this child's shelter. I become more accountable knowing that what I do affects another. And that is why I can't forget my calling to lead others to Christ and a life of living holy.
I decided to re-start my girl's Bible study group and I joined a wives mentor group that happen to meet on the same night. This past thursday was the start for both of them, and I can't even begin to describe the purpose, the hope, the vision, the dedication the Lord restored to me, and in abundance!
The ladies I met with were like a breath of God. The potential friendships, the deepness, the honestness, was incredible. HERE are the people that will listen. HERE are the people that will pour their heart out and allow the tears to flow. HERE are the people that KNOW God is in control, but yet are vulnerable enough to share their struggles. I found encouragement. I found peace. I found a challenge for my walk. I found a group of believers that would lay hands on my belly and PRAY for my baby. I found people that CARED.
Again I have the urge to bring that type of friendship, that type of growth, that type of encouragement to anyone who wants it. I encourage all of you to seek out a group of believers that can pour into your soul and others that you can pour out on.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
The Armor of God
I just got married and that was the most stressful, yet the most amazing experience of my life! Adjusting to living together has been quite awkward. It's great because I'm with my best friend all through the night, but it's also weird knowing that dinner is now being made for two EVERY night.
I'm sure a lot of newlyweds that have never lived together find it quite interesting. But in general, have you ever just started feeling weak? Or like everything is stressful? Or your relationships in general are just in a lull? Do you feel under attack and like everyone is out to hurt your feelings? Have you ever felt like the people closest to you don't even KNOW you?
Well, the devil wants anything BUT a happy home. He wants to separate people joined together, make them question God's pairing, make faults seem unforgivable, make small problems into immovable mountains, and make open wounds never find healing.
God wants the complete opposite. He had a plan and a purpose for marriage. He also had a plan and a purpose for the family that surrounds you. He KNEW the battle would come..but he also gave you the armor to fight it.
That is what I realized the other day. After ANOTHER little argument, we heard the preacher on the radio talking about the armor of God. I KNEW God opened my ears to that word. I realized that the devil is out to seek, kill, and destroy.. and I'm ultimately letting him beat me down when I don't put on my armor!
Had I been securing myself with belt of truth knowing what God says about my body, about my marriage, about our problems AND our victory, I would be able to hear the lies that satan subtly puts in my mind when I take something personally that wasn't said to hurt me. If I had been reading my Bible and doing my quiet time, I would have had the sword of the Spirit to reason with me, and help me realize when it's my fault too. His word shows me where I slip. He shows me things that I could do to bring more intimacy to my marriage, instead of placing blame and pointing my finger. Had I been filled with the Gospel of peace, I would have not bursted into rage and been slow to anger, diffusing arguments with peace and forgiveness.
I am determined to put up my shield, put on my armor, and let satan know that THIS battle has already been won! That I realize this is not against flesh and blood, nor husband versus wife. We, as a couple, will stand against the devil and his schemes. We will not only fight BESIDE each other, but FOR each other- ensuring that two gathered in the Lord are better than one. And like the preacher said on the radio, "As believers, we are not fighting FOR victory, we are fighting FROM victory" because the battle has already been won. Put on your armor DAILY and enjoy the stress being lifted, the relationships being restored, and the confidence to face life again.
Ephesians 6:11-18
11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
I'm sure a lot of newlyweds that have never lived together find it quite interesting. But in general, have you ever just started feeling weak? Or like everything is stressful? Or your relationships in general are just in a lull? Do you feel under attack and like everyone is out to hurt your feelings? Have you ever felt like the people closest to you don't even KNOW you?
Well, the devil wants anything BUT a happy home. He wants to separate people joined together, make them question God's pairing, make faults seem unforgivable, make small problems into immovable mountains, and make open wounds never find healing.
God wants the complete opposite. He had a plan and a purpose for marriage. He also had a plan and a purpose for the family that surrounds you. He KNEW the battle would come..but he also gave you the armor to fight it.
That is what I realized the other day. After ANOTHER little argument, we heard the preacher on the radio talking about the armor of God. I KNEW God opened my ears to that word. I realized that the devil is out to seek, kill, and destroy.. and I'm ultimately letting him beat me down when I don't put on my armor!
Had I been securing myself with belt of truth knowing what God says about my body, about my marriage, about our problems AND our victory, I would be able to hear the lies that satan subtly puts in my mind when I take something personally that wasn't said to hurt me. If I had been reading my Bible and doing my quiet time, I would have had the sword of the Spirit to reason with me, and help me realize when it's my fault too. His word shows me where I slip. He shows me things that I could do to bring more intimacy to my marriage, instead of placing blame and pointing my finger. Had I been filled with the Gospel of peace, I would have not bursted into rage and been slow to anger, diffusing arguments with peace and forgiveness.
I am determined to put up my shield, put on my armor, and let satan know that THIS battle has already been won! That I realize this is not against flesh and blood, nor husband versus wife. We, as a couple, will stand against the devil and his schemes. We will not only fight BESIDE each other, but FOR each other- ensuring that two gathered in the Lord are better than one. And like the preacher said on the radio, "As believers, we are not fighting FOR victory, we are fighting FROM victory" because the battle has already been won. Put on your armor DAILY and enjoy the stress being lifted, the relationships being restored, and the confidence to face life again.
Ephesians 6:11-18
11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
There is a Season
It is amazing to me how many people face life without direction. I see tons of people still stuck in a "season" of their life, though they are meant to be in the next. There are people that walk aimlessly through life without dreams, without purpose, and without feeling it at all.
When I was in highschool, I went crazy... from my testimony and past entries, we all know this. I did everything under the sun, but then again, MOST people in highschool are a lot more immature and carefree then they are when they are adults. Again, in college, I wanted the EXPERIENCE. I wanted to eat cookie dough for dinner, buy alcohol at the liquor store, and party all night. And I'm not gonna lie, I had an awesome time!
BUT, that was but a season. Though seasons fade, pain and scars do not. You can leave a moment in your life, you can give up things, you can move on from relationships, you can even try to wipe away the memories like a tear falling down your cheek-- but the destruction you've done, damages you for a long, long time.
When you hand your life over to God, and seek Him in everything, He starts to speak louder and louder into your ear. You can KNOW when He's saying "no," and even more than that, you can hear Him give you direction.
When I moved on from college, I sought Jesus harder than I ever had before. I got into my Bible, into a devotional, and into books by Christian authors that God used to move me out of that season of life and into a new one- The Career Woman.
I had to box up the things I thought were fun, turn habits into old ways, and let the Lord go through deep and dark places, I would have like to kept hidden.
At Charlotte One, a Christian speaker, Vodie Baucom, told a story about having the pest control man coming to get out all the rats, all the cob webs and all the pests that lurk in the dark to be able to restore your house into a comfortable and cozy home. That we need to let Jesus shine the light on even our most embarrassing secrets, until it almost hurts. I knew that there were secrets I had hidden, hurts I tried to conceal, things I had done that I never wanted ANYONE to know about, much less confess to JESUS. But I had to let him REMIND me of hurtful things people did to me, I had to cry, I had to remember the pain, the guilt, the SHAME of things I thought I had forgotten.
People get stuck in a season of life when they don't know where to go next, when they're not ready to take responsibility for their past, or when they don't feel grounded. I can see it all around me, and I have definitely been there. Without God, you are fearful, you are questioning everything, you are always in search of reasons and things that will fulfill you, you stay independent because everyone else has hurt you or left you and you just don't trust anyone anymore, you have a heart that has been badly bruised, a body that's hardy been hugged or touched or loved, you crave the mere sound of someone in the room because you're dying just to know that someone is there, you ask questions just to get someone to respond... Outside you appear to have it altogether, you're fine on your own, you're happy with who you are, but inside you're wondering if anyone cares, if anyone truly loves you and if anyone would even care if you left this earth. You want something more... but you don't know what it is, exactly, and you don't even want to ask for it. You don't want to let anyone into the deep dark you. You don't want to expose the shame, the guilty, the awful things people have done to you, and the judgment it may bring...
BUT I HAVE NEWS... God wants to LOVE you, He already KNOWS the REAL you and wants to HEAL you, He wants to pull you closer to himself and let you cry. He wants you to realize that you need HIM. He's the only one that can fill that void, that can make you feel whole, that can give you the confidence and the security and the healing to enter in a new season of life. He wants to tell you His magnificent plan for YOUR life!! He created YOU for a very specific part of his kingdom! He NEEDs YOU to fill a very special hole in HIS heart that only YOU can fill, too! He DESIRES to bless you, to cherish you, to COMFORT you, to ENCOURAGE you!
Without realizing that, and letting him into those deep dark places, you may be the college partier when you're supposed to be a wife. You may be the drunkard when you were supposed to be a dad. You may be the career woman when you're supposed to be a grandma. You may be the child when you're supposed to be an adult. There is a SEASON, a time for EVERYTHING... there are going to be just as many great things in the NEXT season as there are now! There are going to be lessons learned, character growth and maturity increased with every season and there are going to be GREAT things at every step of the way!
So don't get stuck in the place you are now, draw closer to HIM and HEAR where you're going! If you've JUST realized you are wanting OUT OF the season you are in, and you don't know HOW to be in the season you are supposed to be in... start PRAYING. Draw close to Him and he will draw close to you. Seek him and you will find him. Ask and it will be given unto you. It's His will for you to come to him, to seek him and to need Him, that's ALL you have to do, and he will take it from there!
And don't be so eager to get to the next stage that you miss out on everything this season has to offer, either.
"TO EVERYTHING there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven" Ecc. 3:1
When I was in highschool, I went crazy... from my testimony and past entries, we all know this. I did everything under the sun, but then again, MOST people in highschool are a lot more immature and carefree then they are when they are adults. Again, in college, I wanted the EXPERIENCE. I wanted to eat cookie dough for dinner, buy alcohol at the liquor store, and party all night. And I'm not gonna lie, I had an awesome time!
BUT, that was but a season. Though seasons fade, pain and scars do not. You can leave a moment in your life, you can give up things, you can move on from relationships, you can even try to wipe away the memories like a tear falling down your cheek-- but the destruction you've done, damages you for a long, long time.
When you hand your life over to God, and seek Him in everything, He starts to speak louder and louder into your ear. You can KNOW when He's saying "no," and even more than that, you can hear Him give you direction.
When I moved on from college, I sought Jesus harder than I ever had before. I got into my Bible, into a devotional, and into books by Christian authors that God used to move me out of that season of life and into a new one- The Career Woman.
I had to box up the things I thought were fun, turn habits into old ways, and let the Lord go through deep and dark places, I would have like to kept hidden.
At Charlotte One, a Christian speaker, Vodie Baucom, told a story about having the pest control man coming to get out all the rats, all the cob webs and all the pests that lurk in the dark to be able to restore your house into a comfortable and cozy home. That we need to let Jesus shine the light on even our most embarrassing secrets, until it almost hurts. I knew that there were secrets I had hidden, hurts I tried to conceal, things I had done that I never wanted ANYONE to know about, much less confess to JESUS. But I had to let him REMIND me of hurtful things people did to me, I had to cry, I had to remember the pain, the guilt, the SHAME of things I thought I had forgotten.
People get stuck in a season of life when they don't know where to go next, when they're not ready to take responsibility for their past, or when they don't feel grounded. I can see it all around me, and I have definitely been there. Without God, you are fearful, you are questioning everything, you are always in search of reasons and things that will fulfill you, you stay independent because everyone else has hurt you or left you and you just don't trust anyone anymore, you have a heart that has been badly bruised, a body that's hardy been hugged or touched or loved, you crave the mere sound of someone in the room because you're dying just to know that someone is there, you ask questions just to get someone to respond... Outside you appear to have it altogether, you're fine on your own, you're happy with who you are, but inside you're wondering if anyone cares, if anyone truly loves you and if anyone would even care if you left this earth. You want something more... but you don't know what it is, exactly, and you don't even want to ask for it. You don't want to let anyone into the deep dark you. You don't want to expose the shame, the guilty, the awful things people have done to you, and the judgment it may bring...
BUT I HAVE NEWS... God wants to LOVE you, He already KNOWS the REAL you and wants to HEAL you, He wants to pull you closer to himself and let you cry. He wants you to realize that you need HIM. He's the only one that can fill that void, that can make you feel whole, that can give you the confidence and the security and the healing to enter in a new season of life. He wants to tell you His magnificent plan for YOUR life!! He created YOU for a very specific part of his kingdom! He NEEDs YOU to fill a very special hole in HIS heart that only YOU can fill, too! He DESIRES to bless you, to cherish you, to COMFORT you, to ENCOURAGE you!
Without realizing that, and letting him into those deep dark places, you may be the college partier when you're supposed to be a wife. You may be the drunkard when you were supposed to be a dad. You may be the career woman when you're supposed to be a grandma. You may be the child when you're supposed to be an adult. There is a SEASON, a time for EVERYTHING... there are going to be just as many great things in the NEXT season as there are now! There are going to be lessons learned, character growth and maturity increased with every season and there are going to be GREAT things at every step of the way!
So don't get stuck in the place you are now, draw closer to HIM and HEAR where you're going! If you've JUST realized you are wanting OUT OF the season you are in, and you don't know HOW to be in the season you are supposed to be in... start PRAYING. Draw close to Him and he will draw close to you. Seek him and you will find him. Ask and it will be given unto you. It's His will for you to come to him, to seek him and to need Him, that's ALL you have to do, and he will take it from there!
And don't be so eager to get to the next stage that you miss out on everything this season has to offer, either.
"TO EVERYTHING there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven" Ecc. 3:1
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Contentment
I'm watching "Facing the Giants," and as I come to tears, I realize one big thing... that God wants us to be content. He wants us to be faithful to him no matter what. He wants us to be okay with the yeses AND the no's. He wants us to love Him for giving us things and even when they are taken away. He wants us to say "I'll still love you."
It's amazing how many times we ask God for things or outcomes and we don't get it. We think because that dream has vanished, that opportunity passed, that relationship failed, etc that it's never going to happen. We think that's the end. We get angry, we get sad, we fall away, our hearts turn cold, or we give up on asking when God is really just seeing if we'll still love Him and if we'll be satisfied in Him alone.
I don't know how many times I did this same thing when I was younger. I didn't get my way or that toy or that wish and I threw a fit- an all out tantrum. I would slam doors, yell things I didn't mean, or become rigid and cold. SOMETIMES my parents had all intentions of GIVING me what I wanted or asked for, and sometimes a no meant no. What does it show about our attitude and hearts if we throw a hissy fit when God postpones the answer or shuts a door? What does it say about our faithfulness to God when we don't get what we asked for and we start putting boundaries on our trust and limits on God's abilities?
In the movie a guy refers to two farmers who prayed for rain, but only ONE prepared his fields for it. Then asks, "which one do you think had more faith?" If we focus so much on what God DIDN'T DO, we lose sight of what he's gonna do! And if we don't prepare for him to work through our lives and BELIEVE that He will, our faith may hinder us from seeing and experiencing Him fully.
God truly wants the BEST for us. God truly is the god who can turn death into life. God truly is the God who can move mountains. So who are we to undermine His plan and to get angry or upset when something we want is not in His will?
If we become content with the "no's," if we become okay with the "wait's," if we surrender what we think is best and honestly give him control... we will find God working in miraculous ways! It's just part of his plan. How much greater is the birth of a baby from a woman who was pronounced barren, how much more joy comes from a win after a lengthy series of losses, how much encouragement comes from hearing the weak overcoming, the anxious finding peace, the lonely finding love, the destroyed finding hope, the debtors finding financial freedom, etc.
I just encourage you to not get so down that you lose sight of God and how big of a god He is. And when you're asking God, prepare for the yes and the no, but also remember that Nothing is final with a God that GREAT. Nothing is over with a God that has a big plan for your life. Nothing is broken, used, or missing that God can't restore. Become content, that God will take care of you either way!
It's amazing how many times we ask God for things or outcomes and we don't get it. We think because that dream has vanished, that opportunity passed, that relationship failed, etc that it's never going to happen. We think that's the end. We get angry, we get sad, we fall away, our hearts turn cold, or we give up on asking when God is really just seeing if we'll still love Him and if we'll be satisfied in Him alone.
I don't know how many times I did this same thing when I was younger. I didn't get my way or that toy or that wish and I threw a fit- an all out tantrum. I would slam doors, yell things I didn't mean, or become rigid and cold. SOMETIMES my parents had all intentions of GIVING me what I wanted or asked for, and sometimes a no meant no. What does it show about our attitude and hearts if we throw a hissy fit when God postpones the answer or shuts a door? What does it say about our faithfulness to God when we don't get what we asked for and we start putting boundaries on our trust and limits on God's abilities?
In the movie a guy refers to two farmers who prayed for rain, but only ONE prepared his fields for it. Then asks, "which one do you think had more faith?" If we focus so much on what God DIDN'T DO, we lose sight of what he's gonna do! And if we don't prepare for him to work through our lives and BELIEVE that He will, our faith may hinder us from seeing and experiencing Him fully.
God truly wants the BEST for us. God truly is the god who can turn death into life. God truly is the God who can move mountains. So who are we to undermine His plan and to get angry or upset when something we want is not in His will?
If we become content with the "no's," if we become okay with the "wait's," if we surrender what we think is best and honestly give him control... we will find God working in miraculous ways! It's just part of his plan. How much greater is the birth of a baby from a woman who was pronounced barren, how much more joy comes from a win after a lengthy series of losses, how much encouragement comes from hearing the weak overcoming, the anxious finding peace, the lonely finding love, the destroyed finding hope, the debtors finding financial freedom, etc.
I just encourage you to not get so down that you lose sight of God and how big of a god He is. And when you're asking God, prepare for the yes and the no, but also remember that Nothing is final with a God that GREAT. Nothing is over with a God that has a big plan for your life. Nothing is broken, used, or missing that God can't restore. Become content, that God will take care of you either way!
Friday, May 14, 2010
Relationship Advice
From movies to magazines to real life, people are eager to give relationship advice. We want to accomplish goals, "find who we are," travel, establish a career, etc BEFORE we tie the knot. As the years go on, marriage becomes a "bad" thing- that gives us anxiety, adds debt, becomes emotionally draining, "a thing of the past," a trap, something you don't want to get into because your afraid of wanting to get out, etc. We are scared of DIVORCE so we want to make sure we found the "RIGHT" one. We want to make sure we are grounded before we engage in a relationship with "the one" or even start looking. We are so busy being IN THE WORLD- partying, clubbing, serial dating, going out with the girls, making money, becoming independent and self-sufficient, learning how to satisfy ourselves, buying things to make us feel prettier, happier, and of worth, that we put marriage off further and further.
Now I'm NOT saying it's not good to be single. I'm NOT saying that you need to concentrate on "finding the One." I just don't want people to see "Marriage" as a big scary monster that's coming to rob us of who we are, the fun we have, and the goals we worked so hard to get to.
MARRIAGE is supposed to be something that is placed up high, sacred, something that God himself designed to be the ultimate relationship before He comes. Intended to join two people to get through life together. To be intimate in every sense of the word. To have the most AMAZING sex. To be FREE in each other. To be a team. To better each other, to have support, to become who you were fully meant to be. Through life's valleys you'll have someone to go there with you, and when you get to life's mountain tops, you'll have someone to share it with. Someone that has your back, but can sweep you off your feet. It's more than dating, more than commitment, it's a union with the Father that is the Giver of all good things!
Now, when it comes to giving advice to my friends that DON'T HAVE A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP with Jesus Christ, all of this becomes void. You can't take only PART of the Bible, you can't only do half of what He says. You can't be sexually active and pray together and say you're living for God. Yes, you will mess up, and yes you are not perfect, but if you KNOW that it is wrong, if the Bible says it's wrong, if your wise and godly counsel say it's wrong, and you CONTINUE to do it, you are living in sin and therefore, out of God's will. So if you ask me for advice on your relationship, my answer is ALWAYS going to be "get your personal relationship with the Lord on track, as strong and intimate as it can possibly be" or "get on the same page with God."
I truly believe that when you give your heart to the Lord, once and for all- no take backs, when you surrender YOUR will, when you say 'Lord, I want all of you, totally and fully,' when you are willing to give up your boyfriend, your friends, your drug of choice, your job, your money, etc and READ and PRAY EVERYDAY, only THEN can you be preparing for MARRIAGE.
God has a plan designed for your life. You have a biological clock that IS ticking. I KNOW that when you draw near to God, and LISTEN, he will show you his plan. He will put desires in you that align with His will. I guarantee you that He is NOT going to say "you need to date more people", "make more money", or "be more independent", when the Bible teaches to "guard your heart," "be content," and to "become one with your husband."
We get so BUSY, and we want to RUSH things, we want anything and everything the world says is "IN." We are SO much in the world, that we forget we are supposed to be "in it but not of it." We need to remove ourselves from it, if we get so sucked in by the garbage. Turn off your tv, get off facebook, stop watching romance movies and getting Cosmo magazines... and get into a quiet place, on your knees, in the Word, and pray.
When I gave my life completely over to the Lord, for good, I put "away my childish ways." As I got closer to Him, I became more sanctified, more AWARE of my SIN. And he gave me NEW goals, NEW desires, NEW things to live for. It became where nothing else mattered, whether I got married, whether I stayed single, whether I had friends, or whether I was just with my God, I was content. He started PREPARING me to be "marriage material." He started breaking my strongholds, getting in deep, helping me see how I needed to change.
Now that I am at that point of getting married, I KNOW that it is God's will for me. No one can tell me I'm too young, it was too fast, or I don't make enough money, or I need to experience more... I have HEARD from the Lord that this is His will. I have FASTED and I've Prayed, sought wise and godly counsel, I have taken on the struggle to remain pure, and when I slip, I repent and get back on track... We are seeking the Lord in our ministry and in our future household.
I believe that the world can't give you a number, a formula, an age, a "type," a checklist, or anything else that says you're ready for marriage. Nor can you judge someone else for getting married IF they are walking and talking with the Lord. But as for advice, I believe if someone asks, you may give sound advice and godly counsel if you are walking with the Lord and have PRAYED about it and the one that is considering marriage is not.
All of this goes to say, that when you are looking for relationship advice... go to God.. go to the word.. and then go seek godly counsel. Check your relationship with the Lord and see if you are doing ALL you can for HIM, and He will DIRECT your path. He will align your desires with his own, and then you can be SURE your are living your life in the TIMING of His WILL and not according to the world.
Ecc. 3:1
"There's an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth"
Now I'm NOT saying it's not good to be single. I'm NOT saying that you need to concentrate on "finding the One." I just don't want people to see "Marriage" as a big scary monster that's coming to rob us of who we are, the fun we have, and the goals we worked so hard to get to.
MARRIAGE is supposed to be something that is placed up high, sacred, something that God himself designed to be the ultimate relationship before He comes. Intended to join two people to get through life together. To be intimate in every sense of the word. To have the most AMAZING sex. To be FREE in each other. To be a team. To better each other, to have support, to become who you were fully meant to be. Through life's valleys you'll have someone to go there with you, and when you get to life's mountain tops, you'll have someone to share it with. Someone that has your back, but can sweep you off your feet. It's more than dating, more than commitment, it's a union with the Father that is the Giver of all good things!
Now, when it comes to giving advice to my friends that DON'T HAVE A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP with Jesus Christ, all of this becomes void. You can't take only PART of the Bible, you can't only do half of what He says. You can't be sexually active and pray together and say you're living for God. Yes, you will mess up, and yes you are not perfect, but if you KNOW that it is wrong, if the Bible says it's wrong, if your wise and godly counsel say it's wrong, and you CONTINUE to do it, you are living in sin and therefore, out of God's will. So if you ask me for advice on your relationship, my answer is ALWAYS going to be "get your personal relationship with the Lord on track, as strong and intimate as it can possibly be" or "get on the same page with God."
I truly believe that when you give your heart to the Lord, once and for all- no take backs, when you surrender YOUR will, when you say 'Lord, I want all of you, totally and fully,' when you are willing to give up your boyfriend, your friends, your drug of choice, your job, your money, etc and READ and PRAY EVERYDAY, only THEN can you be preparing for MARRIAGE.
God has a plan designed for your life. You have a biological clock that IS ticking. I KNOW that when you draw near to God, and LISTEN, he will show you his plan. He will put desires in you that align with His will. I guarantee you that He is NOT going to say "you need to date more people", "make more money", or "be more independent", when the Bible teaches to "guard your heart," "be content," and to "become one with your husband."
We get so BUSY, and we want to RUSH things, we want anything and everything the world says is "IN." We are SO much in the world, that we forget we are supposed to be "in it but not of it." We need to remove ourselves from it, if we get so sucked in by the garbage. Turn off your tv, get off facebook, stop watching romance movies and getting Cosmo magazines... and get into a quiet place, on your knees, in the Word, and pray.
When I gave my life completely over to the Lord, for good, I put "away my childish ways." As I got closer to Him, I became more sanctified, more AWARE of my SIN. And he gave me NEW goals, NEW desires, NEW things to live for. It became where nothing else mattered, whether I got married, whether I stayed single, whether I had friends, or whether I was just with my God, I was content. He started PREPARING me to be "marriage material." He started breaking my strongholds, getting in deep, helping me see how I needed to change.
Now that I am at that point of getting married, I KNOW that it is God's will for me. No one can tell me I'm too young, it was too fast, or I don't make enough money, or I need to experience more... I have HEARD from the Lord that this is His will. I have FASTED and I've Prayed, sought wise and godly counsel, I have taken on the struggle to remain pure, and when I slip, I repent and get back on track... We are seeking the Lord in our ministry and in our future household.
I believe that the world can't give you a number, a formula, an age, a "type," a checklist, or anything else that says you're ready for marriage. Nor can you judge someone else for getting married IF they are walking and talking with the Lord. But as for advice, I believe if someone asks, you may give sound advice and godly counsel if you are walking with the Lord and have PRAYED about it and the one that is considering marriage is not.
All of this goes to say, that when you are looking for relationship advice... go to God.. go to the word.. and then go seek godly counsel. Check your relationship with the Lord and see if you are doing ALL you can for HIM, and He will DIRECT your path. He will align your desires with his own, and then you can be SURE your are living your life in the TIMING of His WILL and not according to the world.
Ecc. 3:1
"There's an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth"
Monday, April 5, 2010
God's still Got it
Easter service was amazing! Gathering with 11,000 other people at Bobcats arena was a true testament that God is STILL saving people!
Standing there, music loud, hands raised and tears streaming down my face, I was overjoyed.
I cried because people were getting baptized and professing their faith...
I cried because thousands of people were singing to the One who died for them...
I cried because people performing, had found their TRUE self in Christ...
I cried because families were brought together- MY family, and I became sooo thankful they'll be there in heaven, too.
I cried because there are STILL people that NEED Christ, still people are WANTING to hear about the lover of their soul, still people that want freedom, still people that are moved by the Spirit, still people that get excited about the plans that He has for them.
Wow.
I realized how sometimes we focus on our tiny surroundings and think that people have turned a deaf ear to us. We think God has given up. We think that this generation is headed to hell and no one wants to hear about Jesus. BUT then, in that arena, I realized that God is still calling people to himself. He is still giving people hope. He is still mighty to save! He hasn't given up on his children! He's still mending hearts and healing the broken, still setting the captives free!
I realized that everyone that surrenders to God's will, finds themselves. God truly uses your unique talents and desires to further his kingdom. The band still can dress punk-rockish or classy or have crazy hair or play an instrument or sing a song and God can use THAT for his kingdom. You don't have to fit a certain mold or be someone you're not to do something for God. You can take whoever you are, whatever background you have and be a disciple for Him! If you had an abortion, were raped at a young age, became a young single mom, faced death, had a drug addiction, ran from the Lord, etc God CAN USE YOU! He has given you a story to tell- a mountain to climb... a testimony to tell. And you will feel more ALIVE when you let him use you. You have a place and a purpose SOMEWHERE in the kingdom, doing something GREAT that affects eternity! Yes, YOU!
I realized how lucky I am to KNOW that my family and my fiance will welcome me into heaven, or I will welcome them. My awareness is heightened to the fact that many families are divided, God is absent, and their eternity is unsure. I hope that everyone can start seeing their family is their number one ministry! That you can't give up! And that if your family is walking with the Lord, then to take your ministry further! Expand beyond the home! Reach out to the community and be flexible in where God wants you.
Easter is more than a reminder that Jesus died so that we could be saved, but a bigger reminder that He is STILL saving and He is coming again!
Standing there, music loud, hands raised and tears streaming down my face, I was overjoyed.
I cried because people were getting baptized and professing their faith...
I cried because thousands of people were singing to the One who died for them...
I cried because people performing, had found their TRUE self in Christ...
I cried because families were brought together- MY family, and I became sooo thankful they'll be there in heaven, too.
I cried because there are STILL people that NEED Christ, still people are WANTING to hear about the lover of their soul, still people that want freedom, still people that are moved by the Spirit, still people that get excited about the plans that He has for them.
Wow.
I realized how sometimes we focus on our tiny surroundings and think that people have turned a deaf ear to us. We think God has given up. We think that this generation is headed to hell and no one wants to hear about Jesus. BUT then, in that arena, I realized that God is still calling people to himself. He is still giving people hope. He is still mighty to save! He hasn't given up on his children! He's still mending hearts and healing the broken, still setting the captives free!
I realized that everyone that surrenders to God's will, finds themselves. God truly uses your unique talents and desires to further his kingdom. The band still can dress punk-rockish or classy or have crazy hair or play an instrument or sing a song and God can use THAT for his kingdom. You don't have to fit a certain mold or be someone you're not to do something for God. You can take whoever you are, whatever background you have and be a disciple for Him! If you had an abortion, were raped at a young age, became a young single mom, faced death, had a drug addiction, ran from the Lord, etc God CAN USE YOU! He has given you a story to tell- a mountain to climb... a testimony to tell. And you will feel more ALIVE when you let him use you. You have a place and a purpose SOMEWHERE in the kingdom, doing something GREAT that affects eternity! Yes, YOU!
I realized how lucky I am to KNOW that my family and my fiance will welcome me into heaven, or I will welcome them. My awareness is heightened to the fact that many families are divided, God is absent, and their eternity is unsure. I hope that everyone can start seeing their family is their number one ministry! That you can't give up! And that if your family is walking with the Lord, then to take your ministry further! Expand beyond the home! Reach out to the community and be flexible in where God wants you.
Easter is more than a reminder that Jesus died so that we could be saved, but a bigger reminder that He is STILL saving and He is coming again!
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Independent Woman
In college I learned that "if you want something done, you've got to do it yourself;" money is our motivation, beauty is how we get things, sex is how we feel intimacy, lust is how we know love, and alcohol is how we become "ourselves."
We get on this power trip trying to become the world's super woman. We want job satisfaction, money that buys us a bmw, we don't need a man because we can do it all by ourselves. From sex to support, we need to be self-sufficient. We even have "parties" that endorse our ability to satisfy ourselves. We can buy what we need, get pleasure on our own, work to fill our time, and live until we die.
This, my friends, is OF THE WORLD. Shocker, huh?!? Everything we are told, everything we strive for, all the songs we sing claiming we are independent women, is OPPOSITE of what God designed for us to be, live, and operate.
Through reading this book "Captivating", listening to this series called "Stand by your Man" by Pastor White, and learning about a woman through my women's Bible study... I have discovered some things that God desires a woman to be, and here are some of the things I have heard, read, done:
- Men and women are different (duh). But, we were created to become one. We are opposites in just about everything so that when we come together, we COMPLETE each other and the picture that God designed.
- Women aren't supposed to think of SEX like a man thinks of sex. It messes up the equation. I used to feel like if I trained myself to be more like a guy in that way, leaving out emotions and feelings, then I would never get hurt [again]. But God made us emotional, and it ADDS to our marriage.
- Women shouldn't put their careers first. He wants us to have a heart for our family, for our home. That doesn't mean we can't work, but it should never take the place of our family.
- We are taught to be controlling, and take charge and be independent, but in our relationships, this can de-masculinize our men. If we are soooo dominant, and overpowering, they become afraid to take charge, inadequate, and incapable to satisfy us. God wants us to NEED our husband. After becoming so independent, I looked at the guys I was dating and thought they weren't "man" enough for me. In actuality, I was not the WOMAN I was supposed to be. When I become less controlling, less in charge, less talkative, less critical, or when I SUBMIT (laying down my opinions in order to lift up his) I see this manly, godly man emerge and take back the lead... (and also relieves the stress/pressure).
- We can use EVERYTHING we have for the glory of God. If he gave us a loud mouth, or the gift of leadership, he doesn't mean for us to LEAD over our husbands, but to lead a small group or to share the gospel. If we are controlling, particular, strong, we can advert these characteristics through a business or to enhance the kingdom, if we surrender them to God, and not try to use them to control our partners.
- Beauty is to be unveiled. We shouldn't want to show our body off until we are in the presence of our husbands. If we are in a dating relationship, or engaged, we should keep everything under our clothes, a secret... until we can reveal it on our wedding day. Sometimes I wish I had done a better job of this, even now I get convicted about my clothing choices. But can you imagine the groom's face the first night his beloved is unveiled?? He HAS to be in total awe and excitement!
- Women reflect God's beauty. Each woman, tall/short/skinny/fat/ugly/pretty/ etc reflects the beauty of God. Any time we criticize our own body or someone else's, we are criticizing God himself. We are saying that HIS work his foolish.
These are just some of the things that have been on my mind to share with y'all... they really impacted my life. Just being able to discern the world's ways from God's ways is such a relief and sign of growth! Sometimes if we can just point out that -that way of living is NOT from God, it is easier to steer clear from that. God's way is best.... ALWAYS.
We get on this power trip trying to become the world's super woman. We want job satisfaction, money that buys us a bmw, we don't need a man because we can do it all by ourselves. From sex to support, we need to be self-sufficient. We even have "parties" that endorse our ability to satisfy ourselves. We can buy what we need, get pleasure on our own, work to fill our time, and live until we die.
This, my friends, is OF THE WORLD. Shocker, huh?!? Everything we are told, everything we strive for, all the songs we sing claiming we are independent women, is OPPOSITE of what God designed for us to be, live, and operate.
Through reading this book "Captivating", listening to this series called "Stand by your Man" by Pastor White, and learning about a woman through my women's Bible study... I have discovered some things that God desires a woman to be, and here are some of the things I have heard, read, done:
- Men and women are different (duh). But, we were created to become one. We are opposites in just about everything so that when we come together, we COMPLETE each other and the picture that God designed.
- Women aren't supposed to think of SEX like a man thinks of sex. It messes up the equation. I used to feel like if I trained myself to be more like a guy in that way, leaving out emotions and feelings, then I would never get hurt [again]. But God made us emotional, and it ADDS to our marriage.
- Women shouldn't put their careers first. He wants us to have a heart for our family, for our home. That doesn't mean we can't work, but it should never take the place of our family.
- We are taught to be controlling, and take charge and be independent, but in our relationships, this can de-masculinize our men. If we are soooo dominant, and overpowering, they become afraid to take charge, inadequate, and incapable to satisfy us. God wants us to NEED our husband. After becoming so independent, I looked at the guys I was dating and thought they weren't "man" enough for me. In actuality, I was not the WOMAN I was supposed to be. When I become less controlling, less in charge, less talkative, less critical, or when I SUBMIT (laying down my opinions in order to lift up his) I see this manly, godly man emerge and take back the lead... (and also relieves the stress/pressure).
- We can use EVERYTHING we have for the glory of God. If he gave us a loud mouth, or the gift of leadership, he doesn't mean for us to LEAD over our husbands, but to lead a small group or to share the gospel. If we are controlling, particular, strong, we can advert these characteristics through a business or to enhance the kingdom, if we surrender them to God, and not try to use them to control our partners.
- Beauty is to be unveiled. We shouldn't want to show our body off until we are in the presence of our husbands. If we are in a dating relationship, or engaged, we should keep everything under our clothes, a secret... until we can reveal it on our wedding day. Sometimes I wish I had done a better job of this, even now I get convicted about my clothing choices. But can you imagine the groom's face the first night his beloved is unveiled?? He HAS to be in total awe and excitement!
- Women reflect God's beauty. Each woman, tall/short/skinny/fat/ugly/pretty/ etc reflects the beauty of God. Any time we criticize our own body or someone else's, we are criticizing God himself. We are saying that HIS work his foolish.
These are just some of the things that have been on my mind to share with y'all... they really impacted my life. Just being able to discern the world's ways from God's ways is such a relief and sign of growth! Sometimes if we can just point out that -that way of living is NOT from God, it is easier to steer clear from that. God's way is best.... ALWAYS.
Blogging Goal
I just wanted to note that I am going to get more motivated to keep writing posts. I know that a lot of my entries are lengthy, but I'm going to strive to post more for the next couple weeks. They may be shorter, they may be "less moving", but God's word does not return void! I want to challenge myself to get back in the word, and to post anything I can on what i've learned! So keep checking back!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
"I can't stop Doing It"
Do you ever feel like you know the "right" choice but you pick the opposite anyway? You know the "right" way to live, but you rather follow your own path, make your own choices. Maybe you're having fun just living the life, and you take what it throws at you as an "opportunity" or "making you who you are" or a chance to "improve."
Some of us don't really know what's right and wrong, and that's okay! But others of us KNOW what's right and wrong and we CHOOSE to do what's wrong. Is this getting anyone's attention? Sometimes we get so angry with ourselves that we fall back into the same routine, or we feel bad in the presence of the Lord and we try and try not to do it again- that is a GOOD thing. The Lord wants you to love him enough to WANT to change, to TRY to change, to go to Him after we fail.
But there are other people that feel enslaved to it. They can't say "no" to the party, they can't put down the bottle, they can't stop lusting, they can't stop giving in to emotions and feelings and thinking this guy is "the one" and giving themselves over and over away to someone who truly wasn't "the one". There are people that KNOW the right thing and yet can't seem to do it- and they don't really care. They can't seem to find a passion for church, a desire to have their quiet time, they rebel from the rules, and they seclude themselves from anyone who is going to tell them they are "wrong." They will hide from the light in order to find contentment in the dark; to be comfortable in their sin and in their current condition. THESE are the people I'm trying to reach right NOW. How do I know what you're doing and feeling? I know because I have been there and so has Paul. He wrote:
Some of us don't really know what's right and wrong, and that's okay! But others of us KNOW what's right and wrong and we CHOOSE to do what's wrong. Is this getting anyone's attention? Sometimes we get so angry with ourselves that we fall back into the same routine, or we feel bad in the presence of the Lord and we try and try not to do it again- that is a GOOD thing. The Lord wants you to love him enough to WANT to change, to TRY to change, to go to Him after we fail.
But there are other people that feel enslaved to it. They can't say "no" to the party, they can't put down the bottle, they can't stop lusting, they can't stop giving in to emotions and feelings and thinking this guy is "the one" and giving themselves over and over away to someone who truly wasn't "the one". There are people that KNOW the right thing and yet can't seem to do it- and they don't really care. They can't seem to find a passion for church, a desire to have their quiet time, they rebel from the rules, and they seclude themselves from anyone who is going to tell them they are "wrong." They will hide from the light in order to find contentment in the dark; to be comfortable in their sin and in their current condition. THESE are the people I'm trying to reach right NOW. How do I know what you're doing and feeling? I know because I have been there and so has Paul. He wrote:
"What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise...I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time."
He is saying that we can't do what is right because our sinful nature is too powerful. We keep giving in. The SIN that's living in YOU is MAKING you do the WRONG things. Our sinful nature makes us WEAK to sin. The WEAKER you are in standing up against sin, the FURTHER you are from the heart of God.
As Christians, or even as nonbelievers... there comes a point where you need to make a decision DO YOU WANT TO BE SAVED? We of course jump to the first "correct answer," "Yes!" BUT I think that a lot of people are quick to say they want to be a "Christian," a "Christ-Follower," a "Disciple" but they forget that it is a COMMITMENT.
You don't just decide to be a Christian one day and go to church. You don't just want to escape hell by proclaiming you love the Lord. This is something that you need to sit down and decide, that EVERY DAY for the REST of MY life I am going to hand MY will, MY wants, MY desires, over to someone else. You CHOOSE to let the SPIRIT come in and CHANGE you. If you KNOW what's "Right" you CHOOSE what's right. When you have a waging war inside you, you KNOW what the Bible says, or you seek counsel and you ultimately LET the Spirit win. The devil has already been defeated!
"Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires...the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. 8Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God."
These verses and the ones continuing say that if you're running from God, avoiding "Spiritual people," absent from the body of believers, rather have your own way, than God's way- then you are controlled by the sinful nature still, and you can't please God. And if you don't even feel the war within, that if you don't have the Spirit in you, then you do not belong to Christ (v. 9)
In college, I became VERY weak to sin and desired things that God didn't. I was fed up with trying to live according the Spirit. I felt like I could have more fun living my own way. I felt like people liked me more, there were so many hot guys, and alcohol made me free. I said "yes" to it all. I didn't want to go to church anymore, because I had partied SO hard the night before--what would they think?! I couldn't join the choir or sing on the Praise Team because if anyone had seen me out the night before I'd be ruined.
At the end of my 4 years, my future got hazy. I had no idea where to go, know idea what career path I wanted, and I had to be on my own in 6 months. I had to get it together and the only way I knew how was to look at others that had it "together." My sister was an amazing influence on me. She played guitar, recorded you-tube videos, pursued things I only dreamed of. She had time to do all this stuff AND had my parents support. She had an awesome boyfriend and just everything you could want. And my parents- they have a lasting marriage, a circle of friends that are actually dependable, jobs that are propelling, and overwhelming joy. They had HOPE. They had a FUTURE. And they relied on JESUS. I started going back to church, journaling, and doing my devotions. It was tough, but I knew that I needed to make a decision- a commitment to be who God wanted me to be, to follow HIS plan, and to STAND up to Sin. I found myself thinking I was bipolar at times because of the war going on within me. One day I loved this guy and thought he was the one I wanted to marry, and the next day I felt like God was telling me He had someone else. I went back and forth on feelings and emotions. Alcohol and drugs put me at a position where I was drinking but I just wanted to stop being drunk or stop being high and I couldn't. I wanted to have more control in life but the things I was choosing were wrong... I needed to hand them over to God. I gave up my friends, I gave up the parties, I gave up the alcohol and drugs, I gave up what the Devil gave me to destroy me and traded it all in for the Spirit.
You can't be lukewarm. You can't be a man or woman that lives only by rules. You can't be a sideline Christian. You are either full-force-surrendering your life-dying to yourself kind of Christian saying you'll do WHATEVER it takes to be holy, OR you may want to re-evaluate your salvation and what you thought you were getting into when you said you wanted to be saved.
BUT if you WANT to say "no" to what's wrong, if you DESIRE to be better, if you truly HATE sinning against your Father, then He is going to help you! "The Spirit HELPS us in our weakness.""The Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express" (Romans 8:26)
Open your eyes to your resources! Look at all the churches, groups, mentors, and fellowship groups that are looking to welcome you in. Get involved and stick with it! You've made a commitment! Now do your part!
We are MORE than CONQUERORS!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
"I am Never Good Enough"
Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are? Why are you angry? Why do you keep going back to the same guy that mistreats you? Why do you feel like you need to be better or you're never good enough? Why an independent, strong, working, stubborn, controlling woman is NOT the image or the heart of the woman God invisioned?
Through this book, Captivating, by John and Stasi Eldredge, and through fasting, I’m realizing my weaknesses. Areas that God wants to make known to me and show me how disgusting it is, then purge them from me by laying them down continuously. It's like the closer I get to a holy God, the more I realize how unholy I am.
I am CONTROLLING.
When things were out of my control, I got hurt. I think alcohol and drugs really attributed to this. I LOVED being out of control, I loved who I was, but I also was violated during these times. My Spirit and soul hid under a rock, while I let sexual immorality, drunkenness, profanity, impurity, and pride hack away at the very essence of who I was meant to be. From then on, the point I decided to quit letting these things corrupt me, take advantage of me, and abuse me, I vowed to ALWAYS BE IN CONTROL. But now, that is taking a toll on my relationships on earth and my relationship with God. I’ve built a wall around my vulnerability and my heart. I’ve forgotten how to trust. I don’t even trust GOD with his will for my life and his will for other people in my life. I want my own way, because at least I’ve prepared myself for every possible outcome. I analyze every situation, jump to conclusions, think the worse, and avoid things that call me to have faith.
I have believed the lies that I am
WORTHLESS, UGLY, and that NO ONE CARES about me.
In this book, it says that a woman’s worst fear, is of abandonment. I think that this fear would be the result of these lies:
If I consider myself “worthless”,
I am fearful that I have no substance, that no one sees me, that I don’t have a purpose, that I’m not good enough, and if I don’t have these things people will leave me.
If I consider myself “ugly”,
I am fearful that no one will give me attention, that I should hide, that no one sees me, that I am disgusting, that I am not a prize to anyone, that I don’t deserve to be with someone I love, and if I don’t have beauty, people won’t even make an effort to be with me.
If I consider that “no one cares about me”,
I am fearful that I don’t mean anything, that even if I did the greatest thing in the world, no one would be proud, that my accomplishments mean nothing, that no one would notice if I was gone, that if people don’t show up for my birthday, would anyone even show up to my wedding or funeral? If no one cares about me, I’m in this world alone.
I am SELFISH.
I want things my way. I think that I am right all the time. I don’t want to share. My money is my money. I am thinking about marriage and becoming ONE, and SHARING and UNIFYING and I get a little upset. I think I’ve learned to find my worth in things, in ideas, in a paycheck, in sustainability, in comfortability and when these things are jeopardized I feel like it’s because of someone else. I feel like I focus on where I am now and how I can live by myself, do things by myself, and accomplish things alone that if anyone else ruins what I’ve established I will fail. I am fearful of living in debt, always owing something, living to please others, never getting fulfilled or feeling satisfied, getting fat, losing beauty, being helpless and hopeless. I feel like if it is all up to me, I can steer clear of things that will cause this, but if I have to rely on someone else, I will surely destruct.
I am ANGRY.
I have so much bitterness and resentment inside me. I have been hurt by people, circumstances, substances, and any time these things resurface in any way I’m brought back to a disturbing place. I’m angry when I feel like people don’t stick up for me- my opinions, my dreams, my choices; when people won't fight for me. I get angry when I feel like people don't want others to know I'm there's or that they don't take pride in me.
I have bitterness harboring all the way
from middle school.
No one stuck up for me. When I had no friends and felt attacked every day, I felt like even my parents didn’t stick up for me. I never heard anyone say I was beautiful or captivating or of worth. I heard “it will get better” or that I was overreacting, but deep down I wanted to have someone stick up for me to the insulters, to shout I was beautiful from the rooftops, to declare I was the daughter of the King, and how dare someone make me feel unworthy, ugly, and like an outcast.
I have bitterness harboring from a past relationship.
For 3 years, I was an emotional wreck. I was that happiest and the saddest. I felt I would never be good enough to be his girlfriend. I never felt like a prize in public. There was always something I had to fix about the way I looked or dressed. There was no getting to know my truest self, my soul, my mind, my heart, it was always about how good I could be physically. I hated every girl he delighted in. He made me feel like he was embarrassed to call me his, or that I wasn’t good enough to show his affection in public. Though I struggled with it for over a year, I let it go, I forgave the girls, and found a love to cover my wounds and tries to heal me the best he can. But i’m finding now that I never truly FORGAVE him. I allow resentment to destroy my current relationships. I become more and more like the source of my bitterness and resentment because I haven’t forgiven him or really let go of it.
Through ALL of this I have learned that I have been taking my hurt, my broken heart, my feelings to everything else BUT God. Sure others may do their best to help, books may give some insight, time may make it fuzzy, but they can only numb the pain. I have thrown on a mask, put a band-aid on my open wound, and done everything I can to take my mind off the hurt. Some of these things that have contributed to the way I am, occurred 10 years ago. I have been looking to the world to find my worth, to other things to make me beautiful, to other people to heal me. I have completely forgotten to take my heart to God.
The fact is that EVERYONE will let me down. EVERYONE is capable of hurting me. NOTHING in this world will heal me. No amount of TIME will make me get over it.
BUT God is ALWAYS there. He is the only one you can put your trust in, the only one who can validate your worth, the only one who determines your beauty, the only one who can rescue you and restore you. He is the HEALER and the giver of life. He is the one who came to “give you back your heart and set you free.” He is the only one that will ALWAYS be “furious at the Enemy who did this to you” and will fight for you. He is the only one who can comfort you. He will “bestow beauty on you where you have only known devastation.”
Because YOU bear the beauty of Christ, and you are the giver of life (can give birth), the Devil HATES this. He is throwing everything at you to destroy you. The Devil has come to wound your heart, destroy your soul, and bring lasting hurt. BUT God has already defeated the enemy! God wants to be the giver of TRUTH in your life, strip away the bondage, get rid of what lies beat you down every day, release you from their chains, restore your fragile soul, and remind you that you CAN trust Him. Even if everything in this world has left you, He never will. Even if everyone hurts you, He never will.
Even if you feel defeated, destroyed, ugly, worthless, not enough, hurt, He wants you to know that He can change your life. The things I struggle with are ways the Devil has beat me down. The things that had power over me- will have power no more. He has so many things waiting for me, for you: He wants to give you beauty for ashes, strength, comfort, the power to forgive, the ability to forget, the strength to get over it, and the healing that renews. I want to RISE up to the BEAUTIFUL, WORTHY, worth fighting for, self-less, trusting, giving the benefit of the doubt, CONFIDENT, FORGIVING woman He intended me to be and stop believing the LIES that Satan pours into my life!
WHO’S with me???
ISAIAH 61:1-3 (Our Mission as Christians)
THE SPIRIT of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed and qualified me to preach the Gospel of good tidings to the meek, the poor, and afflicted;
He has sent me to bind up and heal the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the [physical and spiritual] captives and the opening of the prison and of the eyes to those who are bound,(A)
2To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord [the year of His favor] [a]and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn,(B)
3To grant [consolation and joy] to those who mourn in Zion--
to give them an ornament (a garland or diadem) of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of joy instead of mourning,
the garment [expressive] of praise instead of a heavy, burdened, and failing spirit--that they may be called oaks of righteousness [lofty, strong, and magnificent, distinguished for uprightness, justice, and right standing with God],
the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.
ISAIAH 61:1-3 (Our Mission as Christians)
THE SPIRIT of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed and qualified me to preach the Gospel of good tidings to the meek, the poor, and afflicted;
He has sent me to bind up and heal the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the [physical and spiritual] captives and the opening of the prison and of the eyes to those who are bound,(A)
2To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord [the year of His favor] [a]and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn,(B)
3To grant [consolation and joy] to those who mourn in Zion--
to give them an ornament (a garland or diadem) of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of joy instead of mourning,
the garment [expressive] of praise instead of a heavy, burdened, and failing spirit--that they may be called oaks of righteousness [lofty, strong, and magnificent, distinguished for uprightness, justice, and right standing with God],
the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.
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