50 shades and a guide to a better relationship

Recently and not-so-recently I have heard the buzz on "50 Shades of Gray." I know countless girls and women that are reading it and some that have hesitations on reading such a blunt book.

When I was younger, I remember there was another series of blunt books that were popular. I think I borrowed it from a friend. I was still pretty innocent at the time, but carrying that book around with me in my not-so-innocent public school made me feel like I had this good girl/bad girl vibe. I loved the attention I got from guys especially. I had a pretty "good-girl" wrap in 10th grade but carrying this book made people question my image. How could this "good girl" be reading this "naughty book"?

I had a big chip on my shoulder when the teacher would let me read it, but another girl had been suspended for reading it. Was it because my teacher believed that I was reading it for fun and the other girl was reading it for a "how-to?" We were both reading the SAME book, but no one KNEW our intentions for reading it... there was only speculation, only rumors, only personal judgments, only the world watching two very different people reading for even perhaps the same reason.

With this book, 50 shades of gray, I believe that there are MANY reasons one would pick it up to read. Why did you or did you not pick it up?

From playboy to cosmo to romance novels the devil has been trying to play up this image of what a woman is supposed to be like or what relationships are supposed to be like. While guys are visually stimulated (I know girls are too to a point), girls have this wild imagination of the what could be.

I used to read articles out of those magazines and think if I did THAT for a guy then he would date me/marry me/choose me/ never leave me/commit. I'm ashamed of the lengths I went to to test these theories on being this "ultimate package" for a guy. I'm sorry to say ladies, but no matter how SEXUAL you are, how crazy you are in the bedroom, how risky you are won't MAKE a guy love you or commit to you or stay with you. That is exactly what satan wants.

He plants the thoughts in your mind, prepares the bed and then blames you and marks you with shame when you lie in it.

It's not just these racy books and magazines, but romance novels, romantic comedies, and even songs as well. They feed on your emotions and imagination and make you feel like your relationship is "less" because your guy doesn't write you love notes. They make you feel like "less" of a woman. They justify your feelings of staying, leaving, revenge, making up, and even dying. They make you feel like your significant other is "less" because he isn't so romantic or because he doesn't compare to the guy you read about in these books. And maybe if the devil hasn't got you now, don't worry, he will.

You think, so what am I supposed to do? Stop reading cosmo and listening to Taylor Swift? Possibly... if that is your conviction... but lets start with this book 50 shades and whatever it might be called in your generation.

My sis (Bethany) and I have been talking about it and what is "right" when it comes to reading this book... especially for those that call themselves followers of Christ. We want to do a video blog soon too. Here are some questions that we'd both like to shed some light on regarding the issue:

1. Do you think this book is helpful for exceeding the sex life for married couples?
Brittany: God designed sex... If you don't believe that then you are not going to have the best sex possible. I don't think this book mentions a relationship with God at all and if you don't include a relationship with the one that designed it in the ingredient to an awesome sex life, it will NOT add anything to your sex life.

2. Do you think this book is good for singles who desire sex but haven't awakened it yet? Or for those who have awakened it?
Brittany: When I was reading those other books back in high school, before I had awakened that desire, I could not believe what I was reading... did women actually do this? I think it planted standards in my mind, that to have a relationship, it involved doing those "uncomfortable" things. I wondered if maybe that was why I didn't have a committed boyfriend, etc. Then, before marriage, in ungodly relationships I felt the pressure to perform sexually to gain worth. If I could do what other girls didn't, then I would be of worth- or called beautiful- or the guy would be lucky to have a girl like me... but when the guy doesn't commit, you feel used, more worthless than before, damaged, broken, and unloved. I think that if you bring all of these "extras" into a relationship, you are really saying that YOU ALONE AREN'T ENOUGH.

3. What is the counterfeit motive that people use as an excuse to read this book? What do you think satans motive is behind this book?
Brittany: I think people read it for an escape from reality (maybe their relationship isn't filled with this lustful passion, S&M, extras, etc and it fills a void), maybe merely because everyone else is reading it so they want to having something to add to the conversation, maybe they really do want it to be a "how-to"- how to keep/please a man... I think in every instance it is to satisfy.. could be an insecurity- like your relationship isn't where it could be, you don't have much in common with your coworkers so this satisfies awkwardness and vulnerability, to satisfy an area of your heart that feels empty, to satisfy curiosity, etc.
 I think Satan's motive is to put pressure on marriages... that this is what's expected, this is what your man wants... he doesn't want you, he wants you plus toys or you AND something else and if you don't do it, he'll leave. He wants you to feel like that's what your husband wants, and the only way to go back to how they were.. simple and intimate and pure then YOU have to leave. And for non-married couples.. it's the opposite. The devil wants you to come together. Give in to your passionate lusts, have no regard for marriage and unity, throw away God's design, don't fear the Lord and consequences, only the moment counts. I've definitely been there and it is no way to live, that's for sure.


4. Is their a difference between a Christian sex book and 50 shades of Gray?
Brittany: Like I said before, the key to a GREAT sex life is doing it God's way. For example, The First 90 days of Marriage, talks about sex being heaven on earth. It is the sure way to defeat the devil... it's God showing us that even the BEST pleasure on earth doesn't compare to the pleasure that awaits us in heaven.

5. Pornography vs Books. Similar outcomes?
Brittany: Guys are stimulated visually, girls-emotionally. Video pornography takes your EYEs off of your spouse and lets someone or something else satisfy your desire. You are being satisfied by something OTHER than what God designed, making a husband or wife not NEED the other in that way. Girls that use this book to fulfill them in ANY way- emotionally, mentally, or physically are NOT going to get the benefits of oneness in a relationship. If you don't NEED your spouse to arouse you, to fulfill that desire, etc then you are NOT going to experience great sex or a great relationship. If you live with the mentality, "I can do it myself," you are NOT going to experience what God designed. Marriage is about needing, craving, enjoying your spouse so that it UNIFIES you and gives you a roaring passion for EACH OTHER and not for something or someone else.

End thoughts:
Brittany: Coming from experience, there is no SEX like that between a man and a woman in a marriage that is fueled by God. No toy, no bondage, no book (apart from the Bible) can make it better. Where than man loves the woman as she is. Where the woman needs only her husband. There is no better satisfaction because each is the others' ultimate pleasure. Where the presence of God is invited in. Where the fire is raging in the walls of a fireplace.. no destruction, in control, wholeness, oneness, passionate love. And if you don't have that, pray for it. God wants nothing more than a ONE marriage. He will GLADLY get your fire raging if you allow it to be Him and not the things the world is throwing at you saying "here try this, it makes your spouse lust you" or "it satisfies your brain" or "it satisfies your emotions so your husband doesn't have to."


Hebrews 13:4 Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex. (The Message)

Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery. (NLT)


We are to keep the marriage bed PURE.


Philippians 4:8
And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

Are your thoughts when reading this book OR any book pure? Would you want to share them with your Creator? your Father?

Prayer for this Nation

God I pray for your mercy. Your people don't know what they are doing. I knew that we would face trials and persecution for our faith, but I didn't know the end days would be so near so soon. It makes me sad for Kinsley's generation and the generations to come that they will have to face it even more so. Why does it feel like all of a sudden people don't believe in your word? People that I thought were Christians- that I had gone to church with or christian school with now don't believe?

I pray for divine appointments of people willing to hear the good news... bring about those that HATE the mess they are in, the sin that entangles them, and the desire for freedom. Bring about people I can love on and show them that there is ANOTHER way! We ALL have things that come more naturally to us, maybe we are not a people person, or maybe we are not a speaker or leader, maybe we are argumentative and too quick to speak. Maybe we hate that our prejudices and stubbornness prevents us from doing so much more. We ALL have things to work on in our pursuit of holiness. 

Just because we have the loudest voice doesn't validate our statements. Just because we have a tender heart doesn't mean that we can be silent. God I pray for the people that don't know what your Word says about the issues that constantly come up making our nation battle against beliefs. I pray that this will be a time people will actually open up the Bible and go on a quest to see what you say about it-- not in just one verse but in the WHOLE book. We so often take things out of context. I pray that we will desire to KNOW your word and write it on our hearts. I pray that we will stop letting OUR words condemn and start praying for the Holy Spirit's conviction. I pray that I will restrain and fight my flesh that wants to lash out and prove points, I pray that your spirit will take over. Only let Your words flow.

I have heard you say that this is a call... a call to step up and be bold... but i have a hard time finding the line between boldness and sensitivity. Social media isn't always the place to voice your opinion or your prayer revelations. Not all are ready for the "food"... they're barely ready for the milk.

Hebrews 5:12-14

Amplified Bible (AMP)

¹² For even though by this time you ought to be teaching others, you actually need someone to teach you over again the very first principles of God’s Word. You have come to need milk, not solid food.

¹³ For everyone who continues to feed on milk is obviously inexperienced and unskilled in the doctrine of righteousness (of conformity to the divine will in purpose, thought, and action), for he is a mere infant [not able to talk yet]!

¹⁴ But solid food is for full-grown men, for those whose senses and mental faculties are trained by practice to discriminate and distinguish between what is morally good and noble and what is evil and contrary either to divine or human law.

The road is narrow. Everyone wants to believe that they are going to heaven. (Matt. 7:14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.) 
Proverbs 14:12
There is a way which seems right to a man and appears straight before him, but at the end of it is the way of death


I pray that we will TEST what we hear, match it up to Your Word and ask YOU to show us where we are wrong or right. I pray we won't argue on feelings and emotions and act out on our flesh. I pray that we will just see that THE DAY, the Day your Kingdom comes is approaching more and more.. Are we ready?! I know I am! I can't wait for the curse of sin to be gone, for when righteousness will triumph, where the enemy will be defeated... where we can just Be. 






Amen!