Wedding Kiss= First Kiss!

Since I only wanted to pay for basic cable, I started watching the Duggar Family on Discovery Health. At first, I was critical of their entire lifestyle, along with most of the viewing population. They have 17 children and one on the way. They home-school their kids, monitor their tv, internet, and basically anything dealing with the rest of the world. The girls wear long skirts and conservative clothing. The boys work on the cars, the yard, and other "manly" jobs, while the girls work on the dishes, the cleaning, the laundry, and the other traditional "womanly" jobs.

When I was watching, I was like.. are they serious?? They must have no friends, no fun, and no life! One of the sons, Josh, was courting this girl, and they've never even kissed! In fact, they were waiting til their wedding day to open their intimacy! I mean, come on, people say that they're gonna wait til marriage to have sex, and face it, even that's a stretch in today's society, but kissing... I just HAD to see that episode!

Part of me looked at them and was like that would suck! I could NEVER do that or live that way! He is probably going to suck at kissing and intimacy! Going in for the kiss on their wedding day, I assumed they'd bump heads just before they pecked for the first time.

BUT, then, as I watched, I grew more open to WHY they lived that way... I believe that THIS is how God ordained life to be. Where mothers and fathers loved God first, then each other, then their children. They train their children up in the Lord, to be focused on loving Him and serving others. Teaching skills useful in life AND relationships. We see in Proverbs 31 (According to The Message Bible) the role of a woman:

"She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast
for her family and organizing her day.
She looks over a field and buys it,
then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work,
is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
diligent in homemaking.
She's quick to assist anyone in need,
reaches out to help the poor.
She doesn't worry about her family when it snows;
their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing,
and dresses in colorful linens and silks.
Her husband is greatly respected
when he deliberates with the city fathers.
She designs gowns and sells them,
brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
and she always says it kindly.
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
and keeps them all busy and productive.
Her children respect and bless her;
her husband joins in with words of praise...

...Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
The woman to be admired and praised
is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves!
Festoon her life with praises!"

If you watch the mom, Michelle Duggar, she is so close to this Biblical model. Not just anyone would want this life-style. I think it would be sooo difficult to commit to this. That's why I see, even in their own marriage, they were meant for each other. God brought them together to love, to lead, and to instruct under God's plan and provision. There's no doubt in my mind that they were created for one another. Not many marriages, in today's society can you look at and say that. They agree with each other's leadership. The husband submits to God and the wife submits to her husband.

(Ephesians 5:22 says, "Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.")

So back to this whole not kissing thing... The wedding episode FINALLY came on! Every time Anna and Josh were together, they would only hold hands or give a good old "side hug." But the crazy thing to me is that they loved each other, anyway. When he looked into her eyes and said "I love you," she never had to confuse it with, "he just loves my body," or "he is just saying that to get me in bed later." They developed this unexplainable closeness and genuine love for each other. They genuinely LIKED each other for all the right reasons... their character, the way they handled problems, the way they loved their family, the way they served, the way they both had never found another like the one they had now, the way they both had enough self-control to be pure- in every sense of the word. No one escapes their desires, but I believe the Duggars knew that limiting the things that fueled those desires, ultimately fueled love.

Before the ceremony, Josh's dad had a man to man talk with him. He gave him a tape and a book teaching how to show physical intimacy now that they were married. He also advised his son that his wife may not "always be in the mood," and that while he would want to show his love one way, he still had to cherish his wife; to listen to her and care about the small things. I feel like there is only a small percentage of marriages today, where the husband actually CHERISHES is wife.

So, they're standing at the altar, and Mr. Duggar announces that this would be their first... Josh doesn't waste a minute, but lovingly grabs the face of his bride with both hands and kisses her with all the intimacy and love in the world. This was HIS bride, HIS one, HIS only. It almost brought tears to my eyes knowing that this is what God had intented for ALL of us. To not 'arouse or awaken love until it so desires'; to save your self for marriage; to come from the authority of your earthly father and be pledged to your husband.

Some things that stick out to me, watching this story, is that these are the people that should have 17+ children. These are the type of parents God created us to be. These are the type of children that are truly His own. We hear on the news about that other woman wanting to have a family and children so bad that she took fertility meds to have 8 babies. We are not to impose on God's perfect plan. I believe that God knew the Duggars were living, learning, and teaching by His will and purposely blessed them with a big family. I feel so bad that I scrutinized their family for doing all of the things the Bible teaches us to do.

Also, I thought that when you meet "the one" you would have a physical chemistry; that you would immediately see yourself being intimate with them, and then you look for the personality and character that would sustain a relationship with that person. Now, I am changing my mind. I think that sometimes, if we strike that chemistry first, we will see their character through rose-colored glasses, assuming they are the one for us. You will start sacrificing qualities you wanted, because you start subtly relying on your feelings. I've heard so much recently, that love is NOT a feeling. Your heart is the most vile part of you. You can't trust your feelings because they are always changing with the wind. Instead, you are to have wisdom. Let you mind lead your heart.

Now, I am thinking that you are supposed to fall in love with someone's character first, and the chemistry will build. I've heard from couples explaining the difference between sex with someone outside of marriage and sex within a marriage with the man God created for you. They say that it is the most amazing thing when a man is looking at you and loving the complete woman that you are. That he genuinely loves everything about and he has made a commitment to not just be there for the night, but to be there for LIFE. That he has chosen you to be his bride over every other woman in the universe. That God is happy for you to share your intimacy with one another, after all, He created sex. He created it for you and your husband. With all that said, I am willing to give up all these temporary flings, all the heart break, all the intimacy I have created to fulfil my desire for a moment, and I want what God has. He knows who "the One" is, and I want to look to Him to bring it. I was reading on Josh and Anna's website, they wrote, "If you have made mistakes, start from where you are and let God be the sole proprietor of your love life!" I think that is so inspiring and encouraging.

So before we go criticizing choices and lifestyles people have chosen, let's examine the reasoning behind it and the benefits from it!