"What's the Reason we're opposing this again"

What's the reason we're opposing this again? Because the Bible said so. My heart hurts when I see people who proclaim themselves as Christians get all wishy-washy on subjects when it comes to voicing to the people or their friends. I understand that Hollywood and Washington make so many exceptions and glamorizes everything. They promote equality and being who you are, and pushing limits. If you're not careful, it becomes really easy to jump on the bandwagon and choose to promote these views yourself in fear of ruffling a few feathers that have the comments multiplying on your facebook statuses and blogs because people want to voice their opinion and take your words out of context.

I don't want to be who I am... I was born a sinner, separated from God, with tendencies to sin in many different ways. I have a sinful nature that likes to drink and lust and fill voids with addictions and lie and get angry, and many, many more. I have issues I have to fight and conquer over and over and over again. Issues that bring guilt and shame, feeling unworthy and ugly. If I stayed the way that I was, I would be dead and that is a fact. I wouldn't be the wife to an amazing husband or the mother of the most beautiful little girl. If God didn't rescue and restore me and turn me into something else... A new creation... I wouldn't be here.

Some of you don't know you need to be rescued. Some of you haven't been broken. Some of you have been putting bandaids over a giant open wound. Some of you have scars that never heal. Some of you have secret desires you can't put away. Some of you feel that it is easier to be the way that you are so you don't have to go "there." The more acceptable it becomes to be THIS way, the more you don't have to think about changing. You don't have to cry or get all gushy about it, you don't have to breakup with the love of your life, you don't have to sacrifice, you don't have to move, you don't have to step or sink or fall.

I was there (and still am for many things). I didn't want to be told I was sinning. I didn't want to have people "pray for me." I was doing what all the other teens/college students/ young adults were doing. And if you feel like you are living a "good" life, then maybe this isn't for you. Seriously, you don't have to read on. BUT, maybe this even strikes a little curiosity, a little anger perhaps? That's okay. I'm pretty sure anytime I was around a Christian/ someone wanting to pray for me/ a holy roller/ a goody-two-shoes/ (fill in the blank), I got so mad that they were condemning me or trying to make me feel bad. They didn't know what I had been through/ nor did they want to. They didn't care about me, just how my lifestyle affected their reputation. I wasn't ready. I was a single, independent sinner not ready for an everlasting love affair.

I don't want to be legalistic either. I don't want to say you can't do this, this or this and call yourself a child of God. I don't want to list a bunch of Bible verses that are meant to condemn you or your lifestyle. As far as I'm concerned, you can live any way you want to. Christians  children of the Lord have to stop condemning outsiders and pointing out their sins when it is convenient for us. Even though it may spur up anger, we can't go around commenting on everyones facebook posts. But we also can't be silent. You can't love people into heaven, but you can't shove them either.

This world is not ours.

Believers, everything should feel gross, should hurt your heart, should be disgusting... you should be seeing people be misled and finding happiness in darkness... why? because this is not our home. The Bible said that it would get worse. The filthier this world gets, the more we set our eyes above.

We're not studying the Word enough if we don't know where to stand. That is so true in many issues... we can "hear" how we should feel about an issue, but question if it is really in the Bible.

Stand firm, stand tall, Believer. But don't cast judgment on the outsiders (1cor. 5:12), we can only pass disciplinary judgment on those within the church. Like it here? Do you feel like the world is getting better? Where is your heart? Is it in your money, your home, your body, your rights, your freedom? That's fine, live the way you want to, marry whoever you please, party it up it's YOUR world... i'm merely passing by.

"It isn't merely Sex"

Have you ever thought well it's just sex? or it's just a beer? or it's just a one-time-thing for this special occasion? You don't really see it as "wrong" and in some cases the Bible doesn't clearly define if it is or not. Our pastor, Loran Livingston, preached on the verses found in 2 Sam. 23:13-17 (found at the bottom of this blog) and I came to a new realization of what it meant in my own life.

Sometimes you think things are "good" because you have had a great experience with it. Or maybe things just make you feel good- that you couldn't envision yourself without it. Whether it is sex with your boyfriend, or going out for drinks with friends, or something as simple as going to the gym, or shopping...you think if you gave it up for a couple days, a month, a year you would absolutely go INSANE. You would CRAVE it. There are MANY things like that in my life.

Sometimes it's not the "thing" itself that is bad... it's the POSITION you've given it in your life.  Sometimes it IS the "thing" that you KNOW is wrong, but it feels so good and impossible to give up.

I'll be honest with you.... purity is probably the hardest thing for me right now. 'We're in love', 'we talk of marriage', 'we talk about getting engaged soon', etc. Since I have opened that door before, so many under the "wrong" circumstances, I can't help but WANT that intimacy. I can't even begin to explain exactly how hard it is to deny that desire when things get heated between two people who love each other. It has actually brought me to TEARS.

I wrestle with the facts like:  I've done it before, we're in love, no one will know, God will forgive us, but I'm a leader to young girls, a pursuer of living out the Word, an example of change, I always run from my sin and try to cover it up, what if it ruins our relationship, etc. I ask God continually to give us the strength to pursue purity, to be convicted, to envision Jesus with us- not just in our words and the places that we go... but that desire doesn't seem to ever be fully tamed. I become more AWARE of WHY I need to restrain it, the benefits of waiting, and often feeling sorrow when I know I've gone just a little too far. But the desire within isn't what I'm to get rid of... It's the position I give it in my life, it's the time I spend thinking about it, it's the lust I stir up before a marriage commitment, it's causing someone else to stumble, it's knowing that I CAN keep Jesus first, keep his commands, and turn to him in the struggle.

I crave it.

King David is HIDING in a cave, parched. He is CRAVING a glass of water. 3 men risk their lives to bring water back to him, and when he finally has what he has been longing for at his very fingertips.... he pours it out. I thought these verses didn't mean much. I thought how stupid...how rude...BUT preacher revealed to us what it really meant. It was about SACRIFICE, HONOR, REVERENCE, DEPENDENCY- not towards the men or the water, but to God. Saying that he wanted water... almost cost 3 men their LIVES. He CRAVED something that WASN'T the Lord, even though the Lord was WITH HIM in the darkest place of his life.

David said, "this isn't mere water, it's their life-blood." Now I think, "this isn't mere sex, mere time spent at the gym, mere alcohol, mere shopping, it's risking not spending my time in telling others about Jesus by the way I live and the words I speak, risking other's walk with the Lord, risking my witness, showing disobedience, risking the precious blessings he has in store for those who put Him first, it's honoring God with my life, honoring him in the darkness around me, honoring that He calls ME His child.

When I think of it THAT way, I start thinking of a multitude of things I reach out to before Him. I think of what I need to POUR OUT to honor my Father- to be closer to Him, to be holy as He is holy. I think if you don't want to OBEY Him, you don't really LOVE Him. And if you don't LOVE Him, how can you inherit the Kingdom?

"We don't want to give what costs us" -- Loran Livingston
"Blessed are the pure in heart for they will see God" Matthew 5:8


2 Sam. 23:
^13-17 One day during harvest, the Three parted from the Thirty and joined David at the Cave of Adullam. A squad of Philistines had set up camp in the Valley of Rephaim. While David was holed up in the Cave, the Philistines had their base camp in Bethlehem. David had a sudden craving and said, "Would I ever like a drink of water from the well at the gate of Bethlehem!" So the Three penetrated the Philistine lines, drew water from the well at the gate of Bethlehem, and brought it back to David. But David wouldn't drink it; he poured it out as an offering to God, saying, "There is no way, God, that I'll drink this! This isn't mere water, it's their life-blood—they risked their very lives to bring it!" So David refused to drink it.

11 months, 12 days sober

I have heard from wise counsel that "anger stems from hurt," and seeming I get so upset from alcohol, I decided to dig deep and see what is REALLY the source-- why do I "HURT" from alcohol? If you think about where alcohol has gotten you, and who'd you be without it- maybe you can relate; if not, at least you'll have a better understanding of how and why I quit drinking.

You never really realize the affect that alcohol can have on your life. You think you're making "memories" but what if you're really making "scars." From the first sip, you can lose yourself. Not just alcohol, but anything you find JOY in can become a stronghold, "a place that serves as the center of the group," a "refuge", your "support" as the dictionary defines it. Among MANY of these that can take away our focus from the Lord and put it on ourselves, alcohol was my first.

Took away my innocence.

Took away my yes's.

Took away my no's.

My outlet.

Quick Fix.

Numbed the pain.

Fogged their name.

Blurred their face.

Let people touch me in ways only a husband should, and I didn't even KNOW them.

No one knew just "ME"... "sober me."

He didn't love me, swear he did, alcohol pushed me in, got me out, and told me i'd be fine.

Alcohol took the BLAME but also BLAMED me too.

I saw my father cry.

I saw my mother hurt.

It broke my relationship that only sisters can have.

Made me happy, made me mean.

Lost more than I ever gained.

A stronghold- something I couldn't do without.

It got between me and prayer, me and the Word, me and church, me and my God.

Took away my passion for serving the Lord.

Felt vile in the holiness of the Lord and my family.

Locked my lips when I needed to speak and opened them when I should've been silent.

Blinded me from my spiritual gifts and talents and I let such beauty go to waste.

I wasn't fulfilling my purpose.

I wrestle with it EVERYDAY.

Delighted in IT more than in the Lord.

Kept me from the church.

Made me feel GUILTY in God's presence.

Condemned when I made it to church hungover.

Strapped down with heavy burdens, hiding who I had become.

Cried for hours about petty things when my heart used to hurt for bigger issues.

Became consumed with me; selfish.

Backstabbed friends, betrayed loyalty, had no meaning to the word "trust."

Relationships lasted as long as the buzz.

Partied all night with you then took your first love.

The tiniest bit of anger towards someone blew up into words that would scar them for life.

Stole the lime light only to take advantage of kindness, and rob them of meaningful friendships.

Almost gave my life to someone I had spent SO much time with, yet knew NOTHING about them.

Contemplated DYING because of that SAME PERSON that I didn't even KNOW.

Emotions out of control.

Always having to prove something.

Blurred memory- was I safe, did I use protection, did I make that call, did I give that advice?

Reassured someone that taking the life of their unborn child was an ok option.

REGRETS.

Took advantage of the people the genuinely cared about me.

Couldn't hold a job, but didn't have money to support myself.

Friends DIED that I PARTIED with, but NEVER shared Jesus or made SURE that they knew they were going to heaven.

Words I can never unsay. Things I can never undo. Texts/messages I can never unsend.

Ruined the best present a 16yr old new driver could ask for!

Rebelled against leaders that truly had my best interest at heart.

Ruined reputation.

Defiled and exposed the body that God gave me- my temple, His image, His child.

Pursued being an object of desire instead of real relationships.

Flaunted and taunted though I'm taught to conceal.

Warped outlook; future in my hands; put thoughts as a "coke addicted stripper in Vegas" like a dream job.

Competed against the Holy Spirit inside of me.

Felt like I was only good for one thing.

Produced "bad fruit" proclaiming the Spirit was not in me.

Severed me as a limb from the tree of Life.

People made excuses for me.

Felt like an unanswered prayer that my Christian friends and family

were constantly praying for.

Let my eyes see filthy rotten things they never should have seen.

Let my heart beat for things it never should have loved.

Let my mind go filthy places it never should have gone.

Made life a game- I wanted to win, I wanted to score, I wanted to chase, nothing deeper.

Everything was gray, nothing was black and white or right and wrong- just depended on the circumstance.

Made people either friends or enemies- no forgiveness, no mercy, all out hatred.

Saw the worst in people and what they were lacking and also in myself.

JUDGED people.

I swore on the Holy Bible that I didn't do something I actually did- I lied under oath, blasphemed God.

Stirred up lust, made my brothers stumble.

That was old, I am NEW.

I want to be sober when my Savior returns.

I want to be ready "in the twinkling of an eye," I want to bow before my King, humbly,

just "ME."

One sip, one night, one phase just may lead to feeling/ doing any of the above OR may cause your sister/brother/ best friend/husband/wife/ gf/ bf to experience these things because you ENCOURAGED that drink. Where does my anger stem from? Who ever would have guessed!? When I see alcohol, smell it, feel it, THIS is where my mind goes- BACK to all those things I did; to that person that I WAS.

Praise God that REPENTANCE has wiped my slate clean! I AM a NEW creation. I AM secure in JUST being ME. 11 months, 12 days sober and getting further and further from where I've been.

1 Peter 3:4"...we've been given a brand-new life and have everything to live for, including a future in heaven—and the future starts now!"

Mark 3:28 "...There's nothing done or said that can't be forgiven. But if you persist in your slanders against God's Holy Spirit, you are repudiating the very One who forgives, sawing off the branch on which you're sitting, severing by your own perversity all connection with the One who forgives."

1 Peter 1:23 "...Your new life is not like your old life"

Galations 6:1 "If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out."