"I don't care if you're a christian"

Are you a Christian? Maybe you don't go to church as much as you should, or maybe you slip up time and again, but the general response would be "Yes, I'm a Christian."

At a point in time, maybe when you were 5 years old you prayed "the prayer" and got saved and "once saved, always saved, right?"

I always wonder about that. I know God "knows your heart", but do unsaved people always know they're unsaved? What about drifting away from God? What about your lifestyle? What about living in the moment? What about being a "good person"? What about the church being where you worship, and since God is in your heart, you don't REALLY need to go on Sundays, you can worship in your heart at home?

What about when I no longer wanted to be involved with the youth ministry as a teen because I thought our new youth pastor knew less than I did because I had been a "christian" longer? What about when I fell into a lifestyle of wanting to party with drugs and alcohol and didn't care how much it destroyed my family? What about when I sold myself into lust because it made me feel worthy and beautiful? What about when I was living the life that "felt" good?

Was I a Christian then? 

I never denied Christ with my words, but I definitely did with my actions. I didn't even really feel guilty about the things I was doing.

1 John 2:19 says that if we REALLY did belong to Jesus, we never would have turned from Him.

BUT I'm not here to debate salvation. I'm not writing to justify your past. I AM writing with concern for Christians and to express some new revelations.

Are you happy with your lifestyle? Are you confident that if Jesus came back today, that you would enter into heaven? The truth is that not everyone who says, Lord, Lord, will enter the kingdom of heaven (Matt. 7:21)... this shows us that there are people who believe they are "Christians" but they aren't saved.

First of all, the word "Christian" is so overused that people gladly title themselves a Christian, but deny it by their lifestyle. I'm so OVER everyone claiming to be a Christian. I want to take myself out of that category completely. I want people to KNOW who I live for by my lifestyle.

I don't care if you're a "Christian," but I do care if you desire God's will for your life. I care if you call him Lord, AND live like you do. "When Jesus saves you, he expects you to live like it." The 2nd half of Matthew 7:21 says who will enter heaven,

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.

Are you doing the will of the Father who is in heaven? Regardless of past, what is your present life like...(this weekend, last night, what's on your television, your relationships, etc) can you say that you are doing the will of God?

I am reading the book, Radical by David Platt, and even in the 1st few pages, I feel like my heart is being written on the pages of someone else's book. Today at church, my pastor, Loran Livingston, spoke things that I had been reading and pondering myself. I wondered if he had my facebook to read some of the statuses I've had up lately, haha. I also enrolled in a Bible study on Beth Moore's study of Daniel.

Though everything above is not related to another, I am hearing overwhelming parallels. That is God speaking.

I am hearing Him tell me that it's not about saying a prayer to be saved. It's about the sacrifice our giving up everything we are to follow Christ- DAILY. It's not about the title of a Christian that saves people.

David Platt says this,

"'Any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.'  Give up everything you have, carry a cross, and hate your family. This sounds a lot different than "Admit, believe, confess, and pray a prayer after me."

Titus 2:11-13 and my pastor expanded on what comes after salvation, what should come after your "prayer," what should change after you call Him Lord:

- turn your back on a godless life

- turn your back on an indulgent life/ reject worldly passions

- OBEY

- hunger and thirst for righteousness

- you're ready for Jesus to come

- the Bible becomes necessary

- you want to pray more and more

You say, I am a Christ-follower, a believer, a Christian, I am saved...

What looks different  between your life and the world's? Are you drinking what they're drinking? Is your tongue speaking the same language? Are your eyes tolerant? Do you expect to be entertained? Do live by truth or by feeling?

I don't want to ever JUDGE your salvation, but I want to make you aware that just because we call ourselves Christians, doesn't mean we are saved. I want my friends to know, that they know, that they KNOW, they are going to heaven when they die. I don't want to condemn you or point my finger at your lifestyle, if you know my past, you know I'm far from perfect.

 I DO want to say that, who knows for sure if I would have died in highschool, if I would have surely gone to heaven because I lived for God in Middle School. Or that I didn't need to repent of my sin again because I prayed a prayer when I was 5. I don't have a date of when I got "saved," but I do have a point in my life, after college where I gave up EVERYTHING (friends, alcohol, drugs, sex, etc) and read the Bible and prayed as if my life depended on it. Because it did. I didn't want to be who I was anymore. I wanted to get off of the path my life was heading down. Of course I found it difficult, very trying and brought lots of tears. I had to confess I had been living according to MY OWN WILL and trust that God's will was BETTER than my own. You have to be willing to lay down your life, no matter what trials you will bare. No matter how heavy your cross is, how lonely the walk is, your eye is fixed on an eternity with a God that's worth it all!

Every day calls for examination of our life. Every day calls for crucifying our worldly passions and desires. Every day calls for repentance and turning from our yesterday. Every day is a new breath to take in the Spirit and live by it. Every day is a day we can be forgiven and NEED TO BE FORGIVEN. Today can be the day that you start living according to His will for your life.

Conquering Division with Unity

Ever find yourself on a spiritual mountain only to look at the people beside you wondering why they didn't even TRY to climb it? If you're are a married woman, do you ever feel like if YOU start growing spiritually you may kick your husband out of the "spiritual leader of the house" role? Do you feel like you settle for a mediocre relationship?

I started reading an amazing book called "The first 90 days of Marriage." Granted it says "first 90 days", but you can read it at any stage of marriage if you are struggling with your roles, your marriage and God, your sex life with your spouse, or just want to better your marriage through a Godly perspective.

I want to live a life that honors God. I want to be the wife that demonstrates Christ's love. I want to have a marriage that reflects Christ and the church. On my mission to change MYSELF, I have found that it is changing my marriage.

Through the book, the husband, Eric Ludy, writes about what a godly husband should look like- giving scenarios about football and sports and the wife, Leslie Ludy, writes about what a godly wife should look like with practical ways to mimic God's ideal. While the first part of the book mainly made me realize how selfish, prideful, and controlling I am, the next part showed me all the potential my husband could have. At first I tried to change my habits.

I am the absolute WORST at admitting when I'm wrong. It has been called to my attention- a lot recently and I just can't seem to say a simple "sorry." It is always followed by a justification. I don't know why... I guess I just feel like if people knew where I was coming from they wouldn't think I was a "bad" person or intentionally being mean. Looking back, I hated not being understood. I also hated crying. I got teased for crying when I was younger so now I just try to avoid things that make me vulnerable or might make me tear up. Unfortunately, this has led to resentment and bitterness in ME because I can't forgive or lay down my pride and admit that I'm wrong.

I let little things get under my skin. They say women's emotions are connected to EVERYTHING and guy's brains are compartmentalized. Guys are only in one moment at a time, but girls RELATE everything to something else- even if they're not sure what it is. I've heard and stated before that if something "small" takes you from 0 to 60 in a couple seconds there's an underlying issue that you need to dig up. And I have a lot to dig up and deal with.

Once my book got to more about the husband's role, I began to get discouraged. When we decorated the tree and he couldn't turn off the football game, I was brought back to the section about the husband putting his family first in THAT football scenario. Or when I'm in the Word, reading Christian books showing me how to change, joining a wives group, and leading a small group all to help me grow, I can't help but wonder what HE'S doing to grow. Which led me to a pit. 

I felt like we had settled to be mediocre. I felt defeated. I felt weary and lost.

We had a little "tiff"- of course it was something small that in my mind was connected to something big and I hung up the phone and went to the gym. I was there about 30 minutes reading my book and I kept thinking about "if he only WANTED to do this" or "if he just TRIED to do that."

My book started talking about the importance of growing in Christ together. The couple talked about how they not only pray with each other but study the Bible, WORSHIP, and talked about spiritual issues. They were talking about how church shouldn't be the place you learn the most about Jesus, but in your own relationship with Him. I wanted more than JUST to go to church with my hubby. I wanted more than just to pray at meals. I want the Lord to be intertwined with us.

I realized THIS is what the devil wants- DIVISION. Although I was still mad, I got off the elliptical and headed to the Christian bookstore. I had to stop believing the LIE that my husband didn't want to grow in God or want more than a mediocre marriage. I had to stop believing the LIE that growing in my spiritual walk meant that I was taking the leadership position.

On my way there, I was texting a godly friend, Alyssa, who randomly asked how my marriage was. I thought- funny you should ask at THIS moment. I told her about our tiff and she mentioned how her marriage experiences more arguments when their spiritual lives aren't intertwining. I definitely felt like that was the case. She shared with me that this is our first marriage- our FIRST time being a husband and a wife and I need to learn to have GRACE. She was SO right. It's our first time at this and I shouldn't expect everything to be "perfect." Marriage is a process. It's about forgiveness. It's about selflessness. It's about growing together. It's about being stronger as a couple more than when we were single.

I picked up a couples devotional and a daily quote book to sit on the bathroom counter from the Love Dare book so we could get back in a routine of doing devotions at night and start off the day with a great insight.

When I got home, my pride crept back in. I did NOT want to go apologize and though I'd like to say I sucked it up and went and said sorry, I didn't. We played the silent card for a while until he came upstairs to ask if I wanted to talk.

Here came the tears.

I hate those stinkers.

I shared how I felt and the ROOT of why I was mad... he shared how it's not always that he doesn't WANT to but he doesn't know HOW to go about it. I offered to read some of the "First 90 days of Marriage" that pertained to conflicts and then a few pages about the role of a husband. We got to talk about our experiences with our families growing up and how we want to raise our family. We talked about the importance of not just our individual walks with Jesus, but growing in Christ as a couple.
I loved being reassured that he didn't want to be mediocre, he didn't want to have a modern marriage, he didn't want to stop learning or growing, and we were learning how spur each other on towards the greatest relationship EVER!

After all the reading, crying, talking, and praying, we laid in bed holding hands as we fell asleep. I couldn't help but think "HA satan, you have been DEFEATED." I tear up thinking about that picture even now. We conquered DIVISION with UNITY. We conquered weakness with STRENGTH. We conquered hurt with HEALING.

Just because you're on that mountain top doesn't mean others don't want to be there too! They may just need some encouragement on how to get there. And just because you are growing spiritually does NOT mean you are undermining your husband's position as spiritual leader. Each of you need to spur each other on towards love and good deeds, and all the more as you see that day approaching (Hebrews 10:24-25).  We need to lay down our pride, be quick to say sorry, and let things go.

A Prayer for Direction

I recently started back leading a small group at my house for teenage girls. I decided not to follow a book or study this time so that I could teach about things on a more personal level. I wanted this group to be intimate, a place to confess and find healing, a place of breaking free, a place of fellowship and growth, and a place to find direction and hear God's voice.

Without a book to grab at the last minute (just to read somebody else's words), I have been held accountable to go on a search myself- to the Word, in prayer, and researching Godly counsel. I have opened my ears to let God speak to me in any way. Through this group (and the lack of it), I have ignited and reignited a passion to teach God's word in a way that others can grasp and apply to their own walk with God.

It's crazy, every time I take a break from being fed and feeding others spiritual food (Titus 2), I grow weary and feel almost incomplete- like I'm not using my gifts or reaching my full potential. BUT when I get close to the Lord, I KNOW that I know that I know, I want to be doing KINGDOM work.

I can't think of anything better than to use my gifts and talents to bring others closer to Jesus Christ and make a living in it all. I'm at a point where I could leave it all behind. If He said GO, I'll go. If He says take a pay cut, I'll sacrifice. If He says get more experience, it's my heart's desire.

I want to ask all of you bloggers, readers, and FRIENDS to lift me up in prayer- a prayer to define my direction. I don't know whether God wants me to pursue publishing, become a Bible teacher at a Christian school, or WHAT... BUT I am willing, passionate, and ready!

THANK YOU in advance!

CharlotteONE

I have mentioned "CharlotteONE" in some of my posts and wanted to share a little about it. This is a group of young professionals that meet downtown on Tuesday nights for praise, worship, a short message, and fellowship.

You don't have to be a part of a particular church or even a church at all to come.

Nobody knows everyone. I used to come by myself a lot last year, and I never felt out of place or awkward. I could sneak in a few minutes after the music started, slide in a pew at the back, and worship and listen by myself. Of course, if you want to reach out to the people next to you, everyone is accepting and excited to meet someone new.

It doesn't last super long- about an hour and 15mins or so.

The worship is upbeat, normally lead by Andy Cherry (who you can find on facebook) and sing a lot of Hillsong United, songs they wrote, and other worship songs.

They have a facebook group that you can become a part of that lists the schedule for Tuesday nights and outreach events if you want to serve in the community.

If you want to listen to some past messages, I encourage you to go to CharlotteONE's media and listen to some of my favs:

- 10/1/2008 Is there a Perfect One for you
- 4/1/2009 Relationships- Purity
- 8/19/2009 The Promise and Power of Persistent Prayer
- 10/14/2009 EpicFail: Peter
- 10/13/2010 Relationship Status: Single


These messages have changed my life in so many ways and opened my eyes to knew things about God. I learned about healing, the heart of God, his love story he wrote for me, and a desire for Him.

"Why didn't I obey?"

As I'm planning and preparing for the Bible study for teen girls, I came across the very verses I found myself praying after I came to a dead end.

At the end of a crazy four years of college, I found myself at the bottom of a pit. I've talked in depth about this pit in previous posts, but to sum it all up I'd say I found myself confused, used, broken, and hopeless. The way I was living (wild and carefree) lead me to destruction. 

Nothing can describe the loneliness, the regret, the fear, and the feeling of being unworthy because of the things I had done.

Do you ever get to a place where you say Lord I give up? I give up living for me. I give up hurting YOUR heart. I give up wanting my OWN way. I give up trying to fulfill myself with "dead things" that won't last. 

I KNEW it was because I had strayed off the path God himself had for me. I didn't follow his laws. I didn't live according to His word. I didn't see the hedge of protection he built for me as "good"... instead, I carved a way out of it to live foolishly.

No one can go back in time and re-do their life. No one can heal themselves. No one can restore their body to purity. No one can erase one night. No one can mend a relationship that was broken. No one can forgive AND forget what someone else has done to them. No one can make their soul happy.

No human can do any of this themselves. They can only turn to the One who is the Healer, who covers your sin and makes you blameless in God's sight, who can give you the strength to forgive, who can bring justice to the people who have hurt you. Turn to the One who puts your sin as far as the East and from the West! Turn to the One who can give you NEW life and a passion for His kingdom.

I realized I was out of God's will because I was in my own. I craved his laws. I craved his provision. I finally saw WHY there were so many rules and why things were wrong or were meant to be saved for a different season. I desired to see the white and black of sin.

If you are struggling with looking for direction, stuck in a pit, wondering what the NEXT step is, or ready to give up... Seek God's word... ask for wisdom... ask God to open your eyes and give you direction... and He will!.. then OBEY!


Here are the verses I desired for my life from Psalm 119:


^9-16 How can a young person live a clean life?
      By carefully reading the map of your Word.
   I'm single-minded in pursuit of you;
      don't let me miss the road signs you've posted.
   I've banked your promises in the vault of my heart
      so I won't sin myself bankrupt. 
   Be blessed, God;
      train me in your ways of wise living.
   I'll transfer to my lips
      all the counsel that comes from your mouth;
   I delight far more in what you tell me about living 
      than in gathering a pile of riches.
   I ponder every morsel of wisdom from you,
      I attentively watch how you've done it.
   I relish everything you've told me of life,
      I won't forget a word of it.
 ^17-24 Be generous with me and I'll live a full life;
      not for a minute will I take my eyes off your road.
   Open my eyes so I can see
      what you show me of your miracle-wonders.
   I'm a stranger in these parts;
      give me clear directions.

⁴¹ Let your love, God, shape my life
      with salvation, exactly as you promised;
   Then I'll be able to stand up to mockery
      because I trusted your Word. 




Pretty much the whole chapter was a desire for God to come back into my life. Reveal himself in a BIG way and overflow into a life of holy and wise living.

"In Good Company"

Have you ever felt like everyone is just floating along the river of life, barely getting to know you, barely extending a conversation, barely giving a care? I feel like this world just may be too busy to have time to listen to a friend's story. How often do you offer a shoulder to cry on? How often do you get into a challenging conversation that draws you closer to knowing who you are, why you're here, and possibly closer to the God you haven't had much time for either?


When I get into a dry spell of life, a feeling of emptiness, loneliness and feeling like a failure.. I know I need to turn to the Lord. Thank God, by now, I have at least realized WHERE my hope comes from, even if I happen to lose it occasionally. I started questioning, is this what the rest of my life is going to be? This daily routine, EVERY day of my life?

It's easy to lose vision when you take your eyes off Jesus. It's easy to feel like you are unchangeable and stuck when you aren't moving forward in your walk. It's easy to feel like this is the best your life can get when you aren't hearing God's plans for your life.

I started making sure I was at church on Sunday and then CharlotteONE on Tuesday nights. The Lord began to speak to me again about my passion for people who can't find involvement. He stirs up my desires to see this generation and the ones to follow rise up and meet their savior. He makes me realize the need for Him in this city.

Now that I have a tiny miracle in my belly, a little gift that God is knitting together in my womb, I started recognizing the places I go, the people I'm with, the season I'm in, and the importance, yet temporariness of it all. I get so excited to know my baby is feeling the beats and music of God's people praising Him. I get overwhelmed that I am this child's shelter. I become more accountable knowing that what I do affects another. And that is why I can't forget my calling to lead others to Christ and a life of living holy.

I decided to re-start my girl's Bible study group and I joined a wives mentor group that happen to meet on the same night. This past thursday was the start for both of them, and I can't even begin to describe the purpose, the hope, the vision, the dedication the Lord restored to me, and in abundance!

The ladies I met with were like a breath of God. The potential friendships, the deepness, the honestness, was incredible. HERE are the people that will listen. HERE are the people that will pour their heart out and allow the tears to flow. HERE are the people that KNOW God is in control, but yet are vulnerable enough to share their struggles. I found encouragement. I found peace. I found a challenge for my walk. I found a group of believers that would lay hands on my belly and PRAY for my baby. I found people that CARED.

Again I have the urge to bring that type of friendship, that type of growth, that type of encouragement to anyone who wants it. I encourage all of you to seek out a group of believers that can pour into your soul and others that you can pour out on. 

The Armor of God

I just got married and that was the most stressful, yet the most amazing experience of my life! Adjusting to living together has been quite awkward. It's great because I'm with my best friend all through the night, but it's also weird knowing that dinner is now being made for two EVERY night.

I'm sure a lot of newlyweds that have never lived together find it quite interesting. But in general, have you ever just started feeling weak? Or like everything is stressful? Or your relationships in general are just in a lull? Do you feel under attack and like everyone is out to hurt your feelings? Have you ever felt like the people closest to you don't even KNOW you? 

Well, the devil wants anything BUT a happy home. He wants to separate people joined together, make them question God's pairing, make faults seem unforgivable, make small problems into immovable mountains, and make open wounds never find healing.

God wants the complete opposite. He had a plan and a purpose for marriage. He also had a plan and a purpose for the family that surrounds you. He KNEW the battle would come..but he also gave you the armor to fight it.

That is what I realized the other day. After ANOTHER little argument, we heard the preacher on the radio talking about the armor of God. I KNEW God opened my ears to that word. I realized that the devil is out to seek, kill, and destroy.. and I'm ultimately letting him beat me down when I don't put on my armor!

Had I been securing myself with belt of truth knowing what God says about my body, about my marriage, about our problems AND our victory, I would be able to hear the lies that satan subtly puts in my mind when I take something personally that wasn't said to hurt me. If I had been reading my Bible and doing my quiet time, I would have had the sword of the Spirit to reason with me, and help me realize when it's my fault too. His word shows me where I slip. He shows me things that I could do to bring more intimacy to my marriage, instead of placing blame and pointing my finger. Had I been filled with the Gospel of peace, I would have not bursted into rage and been slow to anger, diffusing arguments with peace and forgiveness.

I am determined to put up my shield, put on my armor, and let satan know that THIS battle has already been won! That I realize this is not against flesh and blood, nor husband versus wife. We, as a couple, will stand against the devil and his schemes. We will not only fight BESIDE each other, but FOR each other- ensuring that two gathered in the Lord are better than one. And like the preacher said on the radio, "As believers, we are not fighting FOR victory, we are fighting FROM victory" because the battle has already been won. Put on your armor DAILY and enjoy the stress being lifted, the relationships being restored, and the confidence to face life again.


Ephesians 6:11-18
¹¹Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. ¹²For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. ¹⁸And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.