This is Chris Tomlin's version of the classic hymn Amazing Grace. We sing this over and over again throughout the ages, at various churches and hear it all over the world. Sometimes we forget exactly what we are singing about. Between the twas and thees and thous, what are we really raising our hands and singing loudly about...Here is another rendition of the song with a more in-depth look at each phrase:
Amazing grace
Unbelievable, shocking, marvelous pardon for everything selfish, prideful, disgusting thing I have done
How sweet the sound
How treasured, how in awe I am of that word, grace.
That saved a wretch like me
That came to rescue, set free, salvaged, defended, an immoral, self-loving, sin-enjoying, God-hating, filthy person like me who found joy in sinning against something so pure and holy
I once was lost, but now I'm found
I once, before now, before that moment was lonely, off-track, fallen between the cracks, hidden, astray, invisible, without, wayward, BUT NOW I'm brought into being, established, brought into the light, a new creation
Was blind, but now I see
Was uncontrolled, unprotected, near-sighted, unthinking, leading nowhere, BUT NOW I have been uncovered, REVEALED, opened, have clarity, perceive with my eyes, pay attention to
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
It was that pardon from suffering, that pardon from death, that Someone stuck by me through my pain and still called me Their child that showed, that instructed my heart, my soul, my well-spring of life, my humanity, essence to stand in awe of, revere the Lord
And grace my fears relieved
It was that pardon that my awe and respect for the Lord soothed; It was grace that made me realize what the consequences were and that grace pardoned ME from the road to DEATH
How precious did that grace appear
In my darkest, loneliest moment I was rescued, I was saved.
The hour I first believed
Immediately.
My chains are gone
My restrictions, the things I have been a slave to no longer have power over me,
I've been set free
I've been bailed out, let off the hook, redeemed,
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
My powerful, loving God, My DELIVERER, my defender has bought my freedom, cleared my past, absolved me of blame and responsibility
And like a flood His mercy rains
And like an uncontrollable, powerful, unexpected flood our Judge, our Ancient of Days pardons us from the death penalty
Unending love, Amazing grace
Over and over and over again, eternal love, undeserved freedom and redemption
The Lord has promised good to me
The Giver of all good and perfect things has committed a full, abundant life to me
His word my hope secures
My anticipation is dependent on His truth
He will my shield and portion be
He will be my protection, Guarder of my heart, my security, my defense and every missing piece, my fulfillment
As long as life endures
Forever.
[2x]
My chains are gone
Everything that has kept me from living a FULL life, a content life, a SATISFIED life is gone
I've been set free
I've been untangled, given a new body, a new mind, a new Spirit, and a clean slate
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
This God I had always read and studied about CHOSE ME, gave me a new life, restored me from brokenness, found me WORTHY
And like a flood His mercy rains
No matter what I've done, no matter how many times I've already said sorry, no matter how many times i've said no, He doesn't give up on me, He doesn't leave me like everything the life has to offer does
Unending love, Amazing grace
He doesn't leave, He doesn't condemn you, He calls you His prize, His bride, His child, Unfathomable is this forgiveness He has that He can choose to forget your sin and separate you from it
The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
This life is but a moment.
The sun forbear to shine
The light will cease
But God, Who called me here below
But the Creator Who had a plan for me
Will be forever mine
Will be there for me always
Will be forever mine
Never leave me or forsake me,
You are forever mine
I will never leave You Jesus.
What are YOUR chains? Why is grace so amazing? I know the Lord has saved me from the path I was heading down. He rescued me from death.
Sex outside of marriage can lead to stds, abortion, emotional baggage, depression. Depression can lead to thinking irrationally, and make you contemplate even taking your own life.
Alcohol can grow from a social activity to an escape from the pain. After a night of drinking at the bar, your mind tells you he never loved you and you were never good enough, causing you to think for even a moment, if I were to wreck my car, that'd show him!
Drugs can be a way to chill out or to have fun, but when you start choosing drugs over your family, support system, and friends, your become controlled by them. You can't function or be happy or have fun unless you have smoked, taken that pill, or had that hit. It makes you forget about the past, the present and even the future. When you can't hold that job or pay your bills and every bail out you had deserts you... where are you headed?
You see, I have been a victim of all of these mechanisms Satan uses to steal, kill and destroy.
But AMAZING GRACE! I found the Jesus can renew my body. He can redeem me. He died for me in spite of all the things I've done and let others do to me.
AMAZING GRACE! He washed away all of the abuse, the one night stands, the emptiness, the shame, the ways I had learned to satisfy myself instead of letting Jesus...
AMAZING GRACE I am drug and alcohol free.
AMAZING GRACE I am no longer a slave to sin. The only thing I need is Jesus.
AMAZING GRACE I found "The One" to spend my life with and have a beautiful baby girl, and a family that loves and supports me. I am surrounding by people that love the Lord and challenge me in my faith. I have a job in ministry and other jobs that allow me to do what I love while having time to nurture and grow with my family.
AMAZING GRACE is what I sing, hands lifted high, tears streaming down my face. I do NOT deserve this and I am SO unashamedly thankful!
Monday, January 16, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Friday, December 2, 2011
"What's the Reason we're opposing this again"
What's the reason we're opposing this again? Because the Bible said so. My heart hurts when I see people who proclaim themselves as Christians get all wishy-washy on subjects when it comes to voicing to the people or their friends. I understand that Hollywood and Washington make so many exceptions and glamorizes everything. They promote equality and being who you are, and pushing limits. If you're not careful, it becomes really easy to jump on the bandwagon and choose to promote these views yourself in fear of ruffling a few feathers that have the comments multiplying on your facebook statuses and blogs because people want to voice their opinion and take your words out of context.
I don't want to be who I am... I was born a sinner, separated from God, with tendencies to sin in many different ways. I have a sinful nature that likes to drink and lust and fill voids with addictions and lie and get angry, and many, many more. I have issues I have to fight and conquer over and over and over again. Issues that bring guilt and shame, feeling unworthy and ugly. If I stayed the way that I was, I would be dead and that is a fact. I wouldn't be the wife to an amazing husband or the mother of the most beautiful little girl. If God didn't rescue and restore me and turn me into something else... A new creation... I wouldn't be here.
Some of you don't know you need to be rescued. Some of you haven't been broken. Some of you have been putting bandaids over a giant open wound. Some of you have scars that never heal. Some of you have secret desires you can't put away. Some of you feel that it is easier to be the way that you are so you don't have to go "there." The more acceptable it becomes to be THIS way, the more you don't have to think about changing. You don't have to cry or get all gushy about it, you don't have to breakup with the love of your life, you don't have to sacrifice, you don't have to move, you don't have to step or sink or fall.
I was there (and still am for many things). I didn't want to be told I was sinning. I didn't want to have people "pray for me." I was doing what all the other teens/college students/ young adults were doing. And if you feel like you are living a "good" life, then maybe this isn't for you. Seriously, you don't have to read on. BUT, maybe this even strikes a little curiosity, a little anger perhaps? That's okay. I'm pretty sure anytime I was around a Christian/ someone wanting to pray for me/ a holy roller/ a goody-two-shoes/ (fill in the blank), I got so mad that they were condemning me or trying to make me feel bad. They didn't know what I had been through/ nor did they want to. They didn't care about me, just how my lifestyle affected their reputation. I wasn't ready. I was a single, independent sinner not ready for an everlasting love affair.
I don't want to be legalistic either. I don't want to say you can't do this, this or this and call yourself a child of God. I don't want to list a bunch of Bible verses that are meant to condemn you or your lifestyle. As far as I'm concerned, you can live any way you want to.Christians children of the Lord have to stop condemning outsiders and pointing out their sins when it is convenient for us. Even though it may spur up anger, we can't go around commenting on everyones facebook posts. But we also can't be silent. You can't love people into heaven, but you can't shove them either.
This world is not ours.
Believers, everything should feel gross, should hurt your heart, should be disgusting... you should be seeing people be misled and finding happiness in darkness... why? because this is not our home. The Bible said that it would get worse. The filthier this world gets, the more we set our eyes above.
We're not studying the Word enough if we don't know where to stand. That is so true in many issues... we can "hear" how we should feel about an issue, but question if it is really in the Bible.
Stand firm, stand tall, Believer. But don't cast judgment on the outsiders (1cor. 5:12), we can only pass disciplinary judgment on those within the church. Like it here? Do you feel like the world is getting better? Where is your heart? Is it in your money, your home, your body, your rights, your freedom? That's fine, live the way you want to, marry whoever you please, party it up it's YOUR world... i'm merely passing by.
I don't want to be who I am... I was born a sinner, separated from God, with tendencies to sin in many different ways. I have a sinful nature that likes to drink and lust and fill voids with addictions and lie and get angry, and many, many more. I have issues I have to fight and conquer over and over and over again. Issues that bring guilt and shame, feeling unworthy and ugly. If I stayed the way that I was, I would be dead and that is a fact. I wouldn't be the wife to an amazing husband or the mother of the most beautiful little girl. If God didn't rescue and restore me and turn me into something else... A new creation... I wouldn't be here.
Some of you don't know you need to be rescued. Some of you haven't been broken. Some of you have been putting bandaids over a giant open wound. Some of you have scars that never heal. Some of you have secret desires you can't put away. Some of you feel that it is easier to be the way that you are so you don't have to go "there." The more acceptable it becomes to be THIS way, the more you don't have to think about changing. You don't have to cry or get all gushy about it, you don't have to breakup with the love of your life, you don't have to sacrifice, you don't have to move, you don't have to step or sink or fall.
I was there (and still am for many things). I didn't want to be told I was sinning. I didn't want to have people "pray for me." I was doing what all the other teens/college students/ young adults were doing. And if you feel like you are living a "good" life, then maybe this isn't for you. Seriously, you don't have to read on. BUT, maybe this even strikes a little curiosity, a little anger perhaps? That's okay. I'm pretty sure anytime I was around a Christian/ someone wanting to pray for me/ a holy roller/ a goody-two-shoes/ (fill in the blank), I got so mad that they were condemning me or trying to make me feel bad. They didn't know what I had been through/ nor did they want to. They didn't care about me, just how my lifestyle affected their reputation. I wasn't ready. I was a single, independent sinner not ready for an everlasting love affair.
I don't want to be legalistic either. I don't want to say you can't do this, this or this and call yourself a child of God. I don't want to list a bunch of Bible verses that are meant to condemn you or your lifestyle. As far as I'm concerned, you can live any way you want to.
This world is not ours.
Believers, everything should feel gross, should hurt your heart, should be disgusting... you should be seeing people be misled and finding happiness in darkness... why? because this is not our home. The Bible said that it would get worse. The filthier this world gets, the more we set our eyes above.
We're not studying the Word enough if we don't know where to stand. That is so true in many issues... we can "hear" how we should feel about an issue, but question if it is really in the Bible.
Stand firm, stand tall, Believer. But don't cast judgment on the outsiders (1cor. 5:12), we can only pass disciplinary judgment on those within the church. Like it here? Do you feel like the world is getting better? Where is your heart? Is it in your money, your home, your body, your rights, your freedom? That's fine, live the way you want to, marry whoever you please, party it up it's YOUR world... i'm merely passing by.
Monday, November 28, 2011
WHOA it's been a while!
So, I apologize for the long absence in blogging. I didn't want to write with hormonal outbursts, rants, or other trivial things while I was pregnant with our first baby, then I was overwhelmed with the role as a mommy. Now that our baby girl Kinsley is 6 months, and going to bed around 7:30pm, I am going to try to start it up again.
I admit I had been waiting for the "PERFECT" blog or idea the Lord laid on my heart, that would change people... but I've realized, if I'm waiting for the perfect message, I'll be waiting forever. So, I decided to just jump in and tell you just what the Lord is doing in my life.
My heart and passion is for teenage girls- no doubt about it! The Lord laid that desire on my heart and led me to trust Him that I would be working in ministry. I prayed about it constantly and though I would go through months of forgetting my calling, He would bring it back with an intense fiery passion.
I heard about this private school, Grace Academy, that originally supplemented homeschoolers and provided classes like fashion, sewing, and a girls Christian growth class. I KNEW without a doubt God was calling me there. I wrote many times to the school, filling out applications on a whim, and trying to get an "in" when I finally got called in for an interview.... for an assistant position in media. I had them in front of me at least, and poured out my heart to them. I shared my testimony, where I felt God was leading, and my desire to share with young girls. They totally saw that I was not meant for the position they called me to interview for, but also informed me they already had the Christian growth class filled. They offered some computer classes and math but I am not a "teacher" so I said I was not qualified to teach those. I didn't know computer or math, but I knew I wanted to minister.
They wanted to keep in touch and if the position became available, for some reason or another, they'd give me a call. Months went by and I can't remember if I did this before or after I had my baby, but I knew I needed to have some supplemental income and I looked to see at the positions still available at Grace. They had a Graphic Design position available, and since I'm artsy and I know Photoshop, I applied.
Before I knew it, I was signing a contract to teach graphic and web design classes twice a week. That was so God. I had 3 months at home with Kinsley, and then started school at the end of August. Over and over again God was teaching me that He doesn't call the qualified, but He qualifies the called.
October came and I found out that the Christian growth teacher is now PREGNANT, and leaving on maternity leave in February. I headed straight to the office and offered to fill in. I was OVERJOYED and KNEW it was the Lord. They also told me that she was staying home with the baby and not coming back next year.... WHOA! I start subbing Jan. 31 and they hope to move me right into that position! Now THAT is FAITH!
I'm going to start blogging more since I will be more involved with the students and learning new material. If you are a teen or a mom of a teen, or even a friend of a teen, PLEASE ANONYMOUSLY write a comment below letting me know some topics I could base my lesson plans off of... areas of temptation, struggles, questions, etc. That would be awesome! Looking forward to furthering the Kingdom!
I admit I had been waiting for the "PERFECT" blog or idea the Lord laid on my heart, that would change people... but I've realized, if I'm waiting for the perfect message, I'll be waiting forever. So, I decided to just jump in and tell you just what the Lord is doing in my life.
My heart and passion is for teenage girls- no doubt about it! The Lord laid that desire on my heart and led me to trust Him that I would be working in ministry. I prayed about it constantly and though I would go through months of forgetting my calling, He would bring it back with an intense fiery passion.
I heard about this private school, Grace Academy, that originally supplemented homeschoolers and provided classes like fashion, sewing, and a girls Christian growth class. I KNEW without a doubt God was calling me there. I wrote many times to the school, filling out applications on a whim, and trying to get an "in" when I finally got called in for an interview.... for an assistant position in media. I had them in front of me at least, and poured out my heart to them. I shared my testimony, where I felt God was leading, and my desire to share with young girls. They totally saw that I was not meant for the position they called me to interview for, but also informed me they already had the Christian growth class filled. They offered some computer classes and math but I am not a "teacher" so I said I was not qualified to teach those. I didn't know computer or math, but I knew I wanted to minister.
They wanted to keep in touch and if the position became available, for some reason or another, they'd give me a call. Months went by and I can't remember if I did this before or after I had my baby, but I knew I needed to have some supplemental income and I looked to see at the positions still available at Grace. They had a Graphic Design position available, and since I'm artsy and I know Photoshop, I applied.
Before I knew it, I was signing a contract to teach graphic and web design classes twice a week. That was so God. I had 3 months at home with Kinsley, and then started school at the end of August. Over and over again God was teaching me that He doesn't call the qualified, but He qualifies the called.
October came and I found out that the Christian growth teacher is now PREGNANT, and leaving on maternity leave in February. I headed straight to the office and offered to fill in. I was OVERJOYED and KNEW it was the Lord. They also told me that she was staying home with the baby and not coming back next year.... WHOA! I start subbing Jan. 31 and they hope to move me right into that position! Now THAT is FAITH!
I'm going to start blogging more since I will be more involved with the students and learning new material. If you are a teen or a mom of a teen, or even a friend of a teen, PLEASE ANONYMOUSLY write a comment below letting me know some topics I could base my lesson plans off of... areas of temptation, struggles, questions, etc. That would be awesome! Looking forward to furthering the Kingdom!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Our Calling
Isaiah 61:1-3 (amplified version)
1THE SPIRIT of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed and qualified me to preach the Gospel of good tidings to the meek, the poor, and afflicted; He has sent me to bind up and heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the [physical and spiritual] captives and the opening of the prison and of the eyes to those who are bound,(A)2To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord [the year of His favor][a]and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn,(B)
3To grant [consolation and joy] to those who mourn in Zion--to give them an ornament (a garland or diadem) of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, the garment [expressive] of praise instead of a heavy, burdened, and failing spirit--that they may be called oaks of righteousness [lofty, strong, and magnificent, distinguished for uprightness, justice, and right standing with God], the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.
This is just a simple post to remind us of what God has called us to do. When the devil attacks us with doubt, fear and pride, we are to remember that God CALLED us to do these things so the HE may be glorified.
Are you fulfilling your calling?
Sunday, January 23, 2011
"I don't care if you're a christian"
Are you a Christian? Maybe you don't go to church as much as you should, or maybe you slip up time and again, but the general response would be "Yes, I'm a Christian."
At a point in time, maybe when you were 5 years old you prayed "the prayer" and got saved and "once saved, always saved, right?"
I always wonder about that. I know God "knows your heart", but do unsaved people always know they're unsaved? What about drifting away from God? What about your lifestyle? What about living in the moment? What about being a "good person"? What about the church being where you worship, and since God is in your heart, you don't REALLY need to go on Sundays, you can worship in your heart at home?
What about when I no longer wanted to be involved with the youth ministry as a teen because I thought our new youth pastor knew less than I did because I had been a "christian" longer? What about when I fell into a lifestyle of wanting to party with drugs and alcohol and didn't care how much it destroyed my family? What about when I sold myself into lust because it made me feel worthy and beautiful? What about when I was living the life that "felt" good?
Was I a Christian then?
I never denied Christ with my words, but I definitely did with my actions. I didn't even really feel guilty about the things I was doing.
1 John 2:19 says that if we REALLY did belong to Jesus, we never would have turned from Him.
BUT I'm not here to debate salvation. I'm not writing to justify your past. I AM writing with concern for Christians and to express some new revelations.
Are you happy with your lifestyle? Are you confident that if Jesus came back today, that you would enter into heaven? The truth is that not everyone who says, Lord, Lord, will enter the kingdom of heaven (Matt. 7:21)... this shows us that there are people who believe they are "Christians" but they aren't saved.
First of all, the word "Christian" is so overused that people gladly title themselves a Christian, but deny it by their lifestyle. I'm so OVER everyone claiming to be a Christian. I want to take myself out of that category completely. I want people to KNOW who I live for by my lifestyle.
I don't care if you're a "Christian," but I do care if you desire God's will for your life. I care if you call him Lord, AND live like you do. "When Jesus saves you, he expects you to live like it." The 2nd half of Matthew 7:21 says who will enter heaven,
Are you doing the will of the Father who is in heaven? Regardless of past, what is your present life like...(this weekend, last night, what's on your television, your relationships, etc) can you say that you are doing the will of God?
I am reading the book, Radical by David Platt, and even in the 1st few pages, I feel like my heart is being written on the pages of someone else's book. Today at church, my pastor, Loran Livingston, spoke things that I had been reading and pondering myself. I wondered if he had my facebook to read some of the statuses I've had up lately, haha. I also enrolled in a Bible study on Beth Moore's study of Daniel.
Though everything above is not related to another, I am hearing overwhelming parallels. That is God speaking.
I am hearing Him tell me that it's not about saying a prayer to be saved. It's about the sacrifice our giving up everything we are to follow Christ- DAILY. It's not about the title of a Christian that saves people.
David Platt says this,
At a point in time, maybe when you were 5 years old you prayed "the prayer" and got saved and "once saved, always saved, right?"
I always wonder about that. I know God "knows your heart", but do unsaved people always know they're unsaved? What about drifting away from God? What about your lifestyle? What about living in the moment? What about being a "good person"? What about the church being where you worship, and since God is in your heart, you don't REALLY need to go on Sundays, you can worship in your heart at home?
What about when I no longer wanted to be involved with the youth ministry as a teen because I thought our new youth pastor knew less than I did because I had been a "christian" longer? What about when I fell into a lifestyle of wanting to party with drugs and alcohol and didn't care how much it destroyed my family? What about when I sold myself into lust because it made me feel worthy and beautiful? What about when I was living the life that "felt" good?
Was I a Christian then?
I never denied Christ with my words, but I definitely did with my actions. I didn't even really feel guilty about the things I was doing.
1 John 2:19 says that if we REALLY did belong to Jesus, we never would have turned from Him.
BUT I'm not here to debate salvation. I'm not writing to justify your past. I AM writing with concern for Christians and to express some new revelations.
Are you happy with your lifestyle? Are you confident that if Jesus came back today, that you would enter into heaven? The truth is that not everyone who says, Lord, Lord, will enter the kingdom of heaven (Matt. 7:21)... this shows us that there are people who believe they are "Christians" but they aren't saved.
First of all, the word "Christian" is so overused that people gladly title themselves a Christian, but deny it by their lifestyle. I'm so OVER everyone claiming to be a Christian. I want to take myself out of that category completely. I want people to KNOW who I live for by my lifestyle.
I don't care if you're a "Christian," but I do care if you desire God's will for your life. I care if you call him Lord, AND live like you do. "When Jesus saves you, he expects you to live like it." The 2nd half of Matthew 7:21 says who will enter heaven,
“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.
Are you doing the will of the Father who is in heaven? Regardless of past, what is your present life like...(this weekend, last night, what's on your television, your relationships, etc) can you say that you are doing the will of God?
I am reading the book, Radical by David Platt, and even in the 1st few pages, I feel like my heart is being written on the pages of someone else's book. Today at church, my pastor, Loran Livingston, spoke things that I had been reading and pondering myself. I wondered if he had my facebook to read some of the statuses I've had up lately, haha. I also enrolled in a Bible study on Beth Moore's study of Daniel.
Though everything above is not related to another, I am hearing overwhelming parallels. That is God speaking.
I am hearing Him tell me that it's not about saying a prayer to be saved. It's about the sacrifice our giving up everything we are to follow Christ- DAILY. It's not about the title of a Christian that saves people.
David Platt says this,
"'Any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.' Give up everything you have, carry a cross, and hate your family. This sounds a lot different than "Admit, believe, confess, and pray a prayer after me."
Titus 2:11-13 and my pastor expanded on what comes after salvation, what should come after your "prayer," what should change after you call Him Lord:
- turn your back on a godless life
- turn your back on an indulgent life/ reject worldly passions
- OBEY
- hunger and thirst for righteousness
- you're ready for Jesus to come
- the Bible becomes necessary
- you want to pray more and more
You say, I am a Christ-follower, a believer, a Christian, I am saved...
What looks different between your life and the world's? Are you drinking what they're drinking? Is your tongue speaking the same language? Are your eyes tolerant? Do you expect to be entertained? Do live by truth or by feeling?
I don't want to ever JUDGE your salvation, but I want to make you aware that just because we call ourselves Christians, doesn't mean we are saved. I want my friends to know, that they know, that they KNOW, they are going to heaven when they die. I don't want to condemn you or point my finger at your lifestyle, if you know my past, you know I'm far from perfect.
I DO want to say that, who knows for sure if I would have died in highschool, if I would have surely gone to heaven because I lived for God in Middle School. Or that I didn't need to repent of my sin again because I prayed a prayer when I was 5. I don't have a date of when I got "saved," but I do have a point in my life, after college where I gave up EVERYTHING (friends, alcohol, drugs, sex, etc) and read the Bible and prayed as if my life depended on it. Because it did. I didn't want to be who I was anymore. I wanted to get off of the path my life was heading down. Of course I found it difficult, very trying and brought lots of tears. I had to confess I had been living according to MY OWN WILL and trust that God's will was BETTER than my own. You have to be willing to lay down your life, no matter what trials you will bare. No matter how heavy your cross is, how lonely the walk is, your eye is fixed on an eternity with a God that's worth it all!
Every day calls for examination of our life. Every day calls for crucifying our worldly passions and desires. Every day calls for repentance and turning from our yesterday. Every day is a new breath to take in the Spirit and live by it. Every day is a day we can be forgiven and NEED TO BE FORGIVEN. Today can be the day that you start living according to His will for your life.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Conquering Division with Unity
Ever find yourself on a spiritual mountain only to look at the people beside you wondering why they didn't even TRY to climb it? If you're are a married woman, do you ever feel like if YOU start growing spiritually you may kick your husband out of the "spiritual leader of the house" role? Do you feel like you settle for a mediocre relationship?
I started reading an amazing book called "The first 90 days of Marriage." Granted it says "first 90 days", but you can read it at any stage of marriage if you are struggling with your roles, your marriage and God, your sex life with your spouse, or just want to better your marriage through a Godly perspective.
I want to live a life that honors God. I want to be the wife that demonstrates Christ's love. I want to have a marriage that reflects Christ and the church. On my mission to change MYSELF, I have found that it is changing my marriage.
Through the book, the husband, Eric Ludy, writes about what a godly husband should look like- giving scenarios about football and sports and the wife, Leslie Ludy, writes about what a godly wife should look like with practical ways to mimic God's ideal. While the first part of the book mainly made me realize how selfish, prideful, and controlling I am, the next part showed me all the potential my husband could have. At first I tried to change my habits.
I am the absolute WORST at admitting when I'm wrong. It has been called to my attention- a lot recently and I just can't seem to say a simple "sorry." It is always followed by a justification. I don't know why... I guess I just feel like if people knew where I was coming from they wouldn't think I was a "bad" person or intentionally being mean. Looking back, I hated not being understood. I also hated crying. I got teased for crying when I was younger so now I just try to avoid things that make me vulnerable or might make me tear up. Unfortunately, this has led to resentment and bitterness in ME because I can't forgive or lay down my pride and admit that I'm wrong.
I let little things get under my skin. They say women's emotions are connected to EVERYTHING and guy's brains are compartmentalized. Guys are only in one moment at a time, but girls RELATE everything to something else- even if they're not sure what it is. I've heard and stated before that if something "small" takes you from 0 to 60 in a couple seconds there's an underlying issue that you need to dig up. And I have a lot to dig up and deal with.
Once my book got to more about the husband's role, I began to get discouraged. When we decorated the tree and he couldn't turn off the football game, I was brought back to the section about the husband putting his family first in THAT football scenario. Or when I'm in the Word, reading Christian books showing me how to change, joining a wives group, and leading a small group all to help me grow, I can't help but wonder what HE'S doing to grow. Which led me to a pit.
I felt like we had settled to be mediocre. I felt defeated. I felt weary and lost.
We had a little "tiff"- of course it was something small that in my mind was connected to something big and I hung up the phone and went to the gym. I was there about 30 minutes reading my book and I kept thinking about "if he only WANTED to do this" or "if he just TRIED to do that."
My book started talking about the importance of growing in Christ together. The couple talked about how they not only pray with each other but study the Bible, WORSHIP, and talked about spiritual issues. They were talking about how church shouldn't be the place you learn the most about Jesus, but in your own relationship with Him. I wanted more than JUST to go to church with my hubby. I wanted more than just to pray at meals. I want the Lord to be intertwined with us.
I realized THIS is what the devil wants- DIVISION. Although I was still mad, I got off the elliptical and headed to the Christian bookstore. I had to stop believing the LIE that my husband didn't want to grow in God or want more than a mediocre marriage. I had to stop believing the LIE that growing in my spiritual walk meant that I was taking the leadership position.
On my way there, I was texting a godly friend, Alyssa, who randomly asked how my marriage was. I thought- funny you should ask at THIS moment. I told her about our tiff and she mentioned how her marriage experiences more arguments when their spiritual lives aren't intertwining. I definitely felt like that was the case. She shared with me that this is our first marriage- our FIRST time being a husband and a wife and I need to learn to have GRACE. She was SO right. It's our first time at this and I shouldn't expect everything to be "perfect." Marriage is a process. It's about forgiveness. It's about selflessness. It's about growing together. It's about being stronger as a couple more than when we were single.
I picked up a couples devotional and a daily quote book to sit on the bathroom counter from the Love Dare book so we could get back in a routine of doing devotions at night and start off the day with a great insight.
When I got home, my pride crept back in. I did NOT want to go apologize and though I'd like to say I sucked it up and went and said sorry, I didn't. We played the silent card for a while until he came upstairs to ask if I wanted to talk.
Here came the tears.
I hate those stinkers.
I shared how I felt and the ROOT of why I was mad... he shared how it's not always that he doesn't WANT to but he doesn't know HOW to go about it. I offered to read some of the "First 90 days of Marriage" that pertained to conflicts and then a few pages about the role of a husband. We got to talk about our experiences with our families growing up and how we want to raise our family. We talked about the importance of not just our individual walks with Jesus, but growing in Christ as a couple.
I loved being reassured that he didn't want to be mediocre, he didn't want to have a modern marriage, he didn't want to stop learning or growing, and we were learning how spur each other on towards the greatest relationship EVER!
After all the reading, crying, talking, and praying, we laid in bed holding hands as we fell asleep. I couldn't help but think "HA satan, you have been DEFEATED." I tear up thinking about that picture even now. We conquered DIVISION with UNITY. We conquered weakness with STRENGTH. We conquered hurt with HEALING.
Just because you're on that mountain top doesn't mean others don't want to be there too! They may just need some encouragement on how to get there. And just because you are growing spiritually does NOT mean you are undermining your husband's position as spiritual leader. Each of you need to spur each other on towards love and good deeds, and all the more as you see that day approaching (Hebrews 10:24-25). We need to lay down our pride, be quick to say sorry, and let things go.
I started reading an amazing book called "The first 90 days of Marriage." Granted it says "first 90 days", but you can read it at any stage of marriage if you are struggling with your roles, your marriage and God, your sex life with your spouse, or just want to better your marriage through a Godly perspective.
I want to live a life that honors God. I want to be the wife that demonstrates Christ's love. I want to have a marriage that reflects Christ and the church. On my mission to change MYSELF, I have found that it is changing my marriage.
Through the book, the husband, Eric Ludy, writes about what a godly husband should look like- giving scenarios about football and sports and the wife, Leslie Ludy, writes about what a godly wife should look like with practical ways to mimic God's ideal. While the first part of the book mainly made me realize how selfish, prideful, and controlling I am, the next part showed me all the potential my husband could have. At first I tried to change my habits.
I am the absolute WORST at admitting when I'm wrong. It has been called to my attention- a lot recently and I just can't seem to say a simple "sorry." It is always followed by a justification. I don't know why... I guess I just feel like if people knew where I was coming from they wouldn't think I was a "bad" person or intentionally being mean. Looking back, I hated not being understood. I also hated crying. I got teased for crying when I was younger so now I just try to avoid things that make me vulnerable or might make me tear up. Unfortunately, this has led to resentment and bitterness in ME because I can't forgive or lay down my pride and admit that I'm wrong.
I let little things get under my skin. They say women's emotions are connected to EVERYTHING and guy's brains are compartmentalized. Guys are only in one moment at a time, but girls RELATE everything to something else- even if they're not sure what it is. I've heard and stated before that if something "small" takes you from 0 to 60 in a couple seconds there's an underlying issue that you need to dig up. And I have a lot to dig up and deal with.
Once my book got to more about the husband's role, I began to get discouraged. When we decorated the tree and he couldn't turn off the football game, I was brought back to the section about the husband putting his family first in THAT football scenario. Or when I'm in the Word, reading Christian books showing me how to change, joining a wives group, and leading a small group all to help me grow, I can't help but wonder what HE'S doing to grow. Which led me to a pit.
I felt like we had settled to be mediocre. I felt defeated. I felt weary and lost.
We had a little "tiff"- of course it was something small that in my mind was connected to something big and I hung up the phone and went to the gym. I was there about 30 minutes reading my book and I kept thinking about "if he only WANTED to do this" or "if he just TRIED to do that."
My book started talking about the importance of growing in Christ together. The couple talked about how they not only pray with each other but study the Bible, WORSHIP, and talked about spiritual issues. They were talking about how church shouldn't be the place you learn the most about Jesus, but in your own relationship with Him. I wanted more than JUST to go to church with my hubby. I wanted more than just to pray at meals. I want the Lord to be intertwined with us.
I realized THIS is what the devil wants- DIVISION. Although I was still mad, I got off the elliptical and headed to the Christian bookstore. I had to stop believing the LIE that my husband didn't want to grow in God or want more than a mediocre marriage. I had to stop believing the LIE that growing in my spiritual walk meant that I was taking the leadership position.
On my way there, I was texting a godly friend, Alyssa, who randomly asked how my marriage was. I thought- funny you should ask at THIS moment. I told her about our tiff and she mentioned how her marriage experiences more arguments when their spiritual lives aren't intertwining. I definitely felt like that was the case. She shared with me that this is our first marriage- our FIRST time being a husband and a wife and I need to learn to have GRACE. She was SO right. It's our first time at this and I shouldn't expect everything to be "perfect." Marriage is a process. It's about forgiveness. It's about selflessness. It's about growing together. It's about being stronger as a couple more than when we were single.
I picked up a couples devotional and a daily quote book to sit on the bathroom counter from the Love Dare book so we could get back in a routine of doing devotions at night and start off the day with a great insight.
When I got home, my pride crept back in. I did NOT want to go apologize and though I'd like to say I sucked it up and went and said sorry, I didn't. We played the silent card for a while until he came upstairs to ask if I wanted to talk.
Here came the tears.
I hate those stinkers.
I shared how I felt and the ROOT of why I was mad... he shared how it's not always that he doesn't WANT to but he doesn't know HOW to go about it. I offered to read some of the "First 90 days of Marriage" that pertained to conflicts and then a few pages about the role of a husband. We got to talk about our experiences with our families growing up and how we want to raise our family. We talked about the importance of not just our individual walks with Jesus, but growing in Christ as a couple.
I loved being reassured that he didn't want to be mediocre, he didn't want to have a modern marriage, he didn't want to stop learning or growing, and we were learning how spur each other on towards the greatest relationship EVER!
After all the reading, crying, talking, and praying, we laid in bed holding hands as we fell asleep. I couldn't help but think "HA satan, you have been DEFEATED." I tear up thinking about that picture even now. We conquered DIVISION with UNITY. We conquered weakness with STRENGTH. We conquered hurt with HEALING.
Just because you're on that mountain top doesn't mean others don't want to be there too! They may just need some encouragement on how to get there. And just because you are growing spiritually does NOT mean you are undermining your husband's position as spiritual leader. Each of you need to spur each other on towards love and good deeds, and all the more as you see that day approaching (Hebrews 10:24-25). We need to lay down our pride, be quick to say sorry, and let things go.
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