God said No to my desperate prayer

Maybe it was a prayer for a loved one that was dying and you desperately prayed to God for healing, but they died shortly after. Maybe you've been asking God for a baby and you hear friend after friend announcing they're pregnant, but your prayers haven't been answered and you've been barren for years now. Maybe it was a prayer for someone to be free from addiction and that person is still entangled. They've surrendered to the lifestyle and God hasn't set them free. Maybe it's a job, a future mate, a failing marriage, or a sense of stability. Whatever the case, you feel like losing hope in prayer.. And in God. 

You're not alone. In mark 14:36, Jesus prayed in the garden the night before his crucifixion asking God for one thing. "Take this cup from me." But God didn't. He knew that this was what needed to be done. It was for our good that God said no. But no one could see the bigger picture except for God. God saw the resurrection coming. The moment when death defeated the grave and our debt was paid in full forever. 

There is a resurrection coming for you. Death is not the end. Your barren womb is not the end. Your failing marriage is not the end. Through the death, redemption is found, the savior comes, the spirit leads, eternal life is given, God's love was poured out, life began, a promise fulfilled. 

The no is for our good and only He can see it all. Be expectant, be faithful, and be hopeful because the pain will end. And there will be rejoicing. It may not look like we thought, but something great will happen because of that "no." Just ask Jesus. 

Wash their feet or shake their hand?

How many of you get annoyed during the greeting at church? I used to HATE just shaking hands with people at our old church.. I always got stuck shaking someone's hand that just coughed into it, sneezed into it, or just overall smelled like garlic. Now, our church home wants us to be super involved with our neighbor. It was definitely an adjustment. My husband and I would try to get there early and sit on the end, or sit between friends, all in fear of the dreaded "blah blah blah to your neighbor." It's not just hand shaking, but one-liners, story telling, high fives and hugs... TOTAL discomfort. It was so awkward at first.

My dad got me to lighten up a bit, talking about how it wasn't for me, it's for the person that does need that acknowledgment; the person that feels like no one "sees" them; the person that comes to church but still feels like a stranger. Now, I've gotten to the point where i trust my pastor and that there is a reason behind all of this. It's actually been nice to kind of recognize faces, remember names and reach out to people I would have never talked to, otherwise.

These past couple weeks, God's been laying something on my heart, that shifted my perspective even more off of myself and more on to others. He lead me to the verses, where Jesus washed the disciples feet in John 13 (MSG).

A couple things stuck out to me. First, this passage mentions they have already had baths, and we can assume after traveling on foot, their feet are probably the dirtiest thing on their body, and Jesus chooses to wash them.

⁸ Peter persisted, “You’re not going to wash my feet—ever!”

Jesus said, “If I don’t wash you, you can’t be part of what I’m doing.”

⁹ “Master!” said Peter. “Not only my feet, then. Wash my hands! Wash my head!”

The second thing that sticks out, is what Jesus said. If we change the word "wash" out and substitute "shake your hand," "hug," "high five," "speak," etc, it becomes a little more personal. If not shaking their hand, means they can't be part of what the Holy Spirit is doing, then I'm missing an opportunity. There's something that Jesus wanted us to be a part of when He washed the dirtiest part of our heart and let us be a part of His redemption story. When we extend our hand, we break down a barrier of separation that the devil has piled on. We create community.

The third thing is the command Jesus gives us.

v13-16 "So if I, the Master and Teacher, washed your feet, you must now wash each other’s feet. I’ve laid down a pattern for you. What I’ve done, you do."

Jesus is commanding us to wash each other's feet. Our Pastor is not even asking that of us, yet we still gripe and complain. Jesus is telling us to find the dirtiest part of our neighbor and TOUCH it. Jesus is not telling us to find what is comfortable for US, or to do the minimum, or to turn to just one person, but to humble yourself, step out of your security box, and obey so that WE can all be a part of what God's doing.

v17 " If you understand what I’m telling you, act like it—and live a blessed life."

And lastly, the passage ends with "live a blessed life." If we have been blessed, (and we have thanks to the precious blood of Jesus) we need to act like it! We need to overflow with love for our neighbor. We need to have a smile on and be ready to talk to a stranger or celebrate with a friend. It doesn't cost us anything. There's a blessing that comes from community, a blessing that comes from obeying, and a blessing that MAY just end up helping your neighbor find Jesus.

How to Find JOY on Sleepless Nights

          Sometimes our joy can be dependant upon our situation. If you are making good money and loving your job, your countenance probably reflects your happiness with your situation. If you are unemployed and you've only been facing rejection and frustration, you might not be going through your week with a smile on your face. When I go through tough situations, I tend to let it take over. I let it determine my mood and pray for the situation to change.

             Recently, I have been praying so hard for The Lord to give me sleep. Maclaren didn't sleep through the night until after she turned one and then for the past couple months she has been getting all her teeth at once. Momma needs her sleep!

             I heard a sermon about changing our pattern, so I started going to bed earlier to be prepared to wake up earlier. Then she started waking up a 2am or 4:30am and my 3 year old basically doesn't go to sleep until I do. When you pray for your situation to change and it doesn't, what do you do?

         The Lord spoke to me at church on Sunday, and said, "I'm not changing the situation, I'm changing YOU. Until you can have joy on those sleepless nights; until you can have joy that's not dependant on your situation; until you can have joy solely because I died on the cross for YOU, saved you from death and gave you life, your situation will not change." I thought, whoa, my situation hasn't changed because I haven't. I can't just be short tempered, in a funk, in a bad mood, temperamental, expecting people to cater to my needs, rude to others, etc and blame it on my sleepless night(s). 

           Pastor also said, "our joy is our job". I need to put that on my sticky notes this week. I can't let my joy depend on my daughter sleeping through the night. We can't let joy depend on our job, our medical diagnosis, our spouse, our empty bank account, our weaknesses, our brokenness, our divorce, our barren womb, our past, our family life, our neglect, our DNA, etc.
          We have to decide that we will start our day off cheerful. We will count our blessings. We will focus on what is lovely. We will remember what Jesus did for us. We won't compare. We will root our day in the truth of God's Word.
          I want to be a better mom, a better wife, a better daughter, a better sister, a better friend. I want to work on my joy. Do you?

To hear more of the sermons that have been changing my mood.. click here.

worshipping What we've made

When we read about "idols," our minds may jump back to the days of people bowing down in front of huge statues or praying to golden images. We assume we are "in the clear" and exempt because we no longer have these types of idols. For the people that have gone to church or youth group, we may have learned more about what idols are. We might be able to point out a couple of our big "strongholds" that stand  in between us and growing more intimately with God.


I am reading through Isaiah, and while I read the introduction my Bible gives, I am definitely no scholar. I pray that God will help me interpret what He wants me to gain from reading this book. The Word of God never returns void.
The first couple chapters were a wake-up call to the idol I have made of my work.


I have done studies before on strongholds with Beth Moore, and I have realized that our "idols" can change. We destroy some just to build up others.

A stronghold is anything that exalts itself, or pretends to be bigger or more powerful than God. It steals much of our emotional and mental energy. (Beth Moore)

For me, it started out with alcohol and drugs, then turned to the gym and fitness, and now the Lord opened my eyes to the idol of my work. I LOVE my job. I could spend HOURS and HOURS editing, branding, figuring out new technology, blogging, shooting, perusing new equipments and the latest software, or even just finding inspiration online.

I can get in this mode where if anything "interrupts" me and my work, I get really angry. I seem to never have enough hours in a day to get things done. With a baby and a husband and a basically work-from-home environment on the backend of photography, it is really hard to balance house work, family time, and career.

I read the other day in Isaiah chapter 2 v8 "Their land also is full of idols; the worship the work of their own hands."

Maybe I don't carve and hammer and melt gold to create the idol I imagine in Isaiah's time, but God definitely opened my eyes to the worship of the work I create with my own hands-- camera, photoshop, lens, equipment, poses, etc. I get consumed with site stats and user interaction, that I often give praise to the "image" instead of GOD.

After I read a couple of these old testament chapters, I was in awe of God's reminder that He should be given the glory. He has given me the talent, the ability, the supportive husband and family, the time, the energy, the money, the knowledge and this business should be solely based on lifting HIM up. It was a good reminder that this is not MY business, it's God's. I have to learn balance. I have to put my family first. I have to use my career as my ministry. I have to surrender this passion and let God be my ULTIMATE passion. I have to learn to say no, to turn off the clock, to step away and to give God control.

Lord, I NEED you

Matt Maher- "Lord, I need You"

Lord I come, I confess

Bowing here I find my rest

Without you, I fall apart

You’re the one that guides my heart

Lord I need you, oh I need you.

Every hour that I need you

My one defense My righteousness

Oh God how I need you.

Sin runs deep,

Your grace is more

The creases found

Is where you are

Where you are, Lord I am free

Holiness is Christ in me

Where you are, Lord I am free

Holiness is Christ in me

Lord I need you, oh I need you

Every hour I need you

My one defence, My righteousness

Oh God how I need you.

Teach my song to rise to you

When temptation comes my way

When I cannot stand ill fall on you

Jesus your my hope and stay

Yes when I cannot stand ill fall on you

Jesus you’re my hope and stay

Lord I need you, oh I need you.

Every hour I need you.

My one defence, My righteousness

Oh God how I need you.

Your my one defense, My righteousness,

Oh God how I need you

My one defense, My righteousness, Oh God how I need you.

50 shades and a guide to a better relationship

Recently and not-so-recently I have heard the buzz on "50 Shades of Gray." I know countless girls and women that are reading it and some that have hesitations on reading such a blunt book.

When I was younger, I remember there was another series of blunt books that were popular. I think I borrowed it from a friend. I was still pretty innocent at the time, but carrying that book around with me in my not-so-innocent public school made me feel like I had this good girl/bad girl vibe. I loved the attention I got from guys especially. I had a pretty "good-girl" wrap in 10th grade but carrying this book made people question my image. How could this "good girl" be reading this "naughty book"?

I had a big chip on my shoulder when the teacher would let me read it, but another girl had been suspended for reading it. Was it because my teacher believed that I was reading it for fun and the other girl was reading it for a "how-to?" We were both reading the SAME book, but no one KNEW our intentions for reading it... there was only speculation, only rumors, only personal judgments, only the world watching two very different people reading for even perhaps the same reason.

With this book, 50 shades of gray, I believe that there are MANY reasons one would pick it up to read. Why did you or did you not pick it up?

From playboy to cosmo to romance novels the devil has been trying to play up this image of what a woman is supposed to be like or what relationships are supposed to be like. While guys are visually stimulated (I know girls are too to a point), girls have this wild imagination of the what could be.

I used to read articles out of those magazines and think if I did THAT for a guy then he would date me/marry me/choose me/ never leave me/commit. I'm ashamed of the lengths I went to to test these theories on being this "ultimate package" for a guy. I'm sorry to say ladies, but no matter how SEXUAL you are, how crazy you are in the bedroom, how risky you are won't MAKE a guy love you or commit to you or stay with you. That is exactly what satan wants.

He plants the thoughts in your mind, prepares the bed and then blames you and marks you with shame when you lie in it.

It's not just these racy books and magazines, but romance novels, romantic comedies, and even songs as well. They feed on your emotions and imagination and make you feel like your relationship is "less" because your guy doesn't write you love notes. They make you feel like "less" of a woman. They justify your feelings of staying, leaving, revenge, making up, and even dying. They make you feel like your significant other is "less" because he isn't so romantic or because he doesn't compare to the guy you read about in these books. And maybe if the devil hasn't got you now, don't worry, he will.

You think, so what am I supposed to do? Stop reading cosmo and listening to Taylor Swift? Possibly... if that is your conviction... but lets start with this book 50 shades and whatever it might be called in your generation.

My sis (Bethany) and I have been talking about it and what is "right" when it comes to reading this book... especially for those that call themselves followers of Christ. We want to do a video blog soon too. Here are some questions that we'd both like to shed some light on regarding the issue:

1. Do you think this book is helpful for exceeding the sex life for married couples?
Brittany: God designed sex... If you don't believe that then you are not going to have the best sex possible. I don't think this book mentions a relationship with God at all and if you don't include a relationship with the one that designed it in the ingredient to an awesome sex life, it will NOT add anything to your sex life.

2. Do you think this book is good for singles who desire sex but haven't awakened it yet? Or for those who have awakened it?
Brittany: When I was reading those other books back in high school, before I had awakened that desire, I could not believe what I was reading... did women actually do this? I think it planted standards in my mind, that to have a relationship, it involved doing those "uncomfortable" things. I wondered if maybe that was why I didn't have a committed boyfriend, etc. Then, before marriage, in ungodly relationships I felt the pressure to perform sexually to gain worth. If I could do what other girls didn't, then I would be of worth- or called beautiful- or the guy would be lucky to have a girl like me... but when the guy doesn't commit, you feel used, more worthless than before, damaged, broken, and unloved. I think that if you bring all of these "extras" into a relationship, you are really saying that YOU ALONE AREN'T ENOUGH.

3. What is the counterfeit motive that people use as an excuse to read this book? What do you think satans motive is behind this book?
Brittany: I think people read it for an escape from reality (maybe their relationship isn't filled with this lustful passion, S&M, extras, etc and it fills a void), maybe merely because everyone else is reading it so they want to having something to add to the conversation, maybe they really do want it to be a "how-to"- how to keep/please a man... I think in every instance it is to satisfy.. could be an insecurity- like your relationship isn't where it could be, you don't have much in common with your coworkers so this satisfies awkwardness and vulnerability, to satisfy an area of your heart that feels empty, to satisfy curiosity, etc.
 I think Satan's motive is to put pressure on marriages... that this is what's expected, this is what your man wants... he doesn't want you, he wants you plus toys or you AND something else and if you don't do it, he'll leave. He wants you to feel like that's what your husband wants, and the only way to go back to how they were.. simple and intimate and pure then YOU have to leave. And for non-married couples.. it's the opposite. The devil wants you to come together. Give in to your passionate lusts, have no regard for marriage and unity, throw away God's design, don't fear the Lord and consequences, only the moment counts. I've definitely been there and it is no way to live, that's for sure.


4. Is their a difference between a Christian sex book and 50 shades of Gray?
Brittany: Like I said before, the key to a GREAT sex life is doing it God's way. For example, The First 90 days of Marriage, talks about sex being heaven on earth. It is the sure way to defeat the devil... it's God showing us that even the BEST pleasure on earth doesn't compare to the pleasure that awaits us in heaven.

5. Pornography vs Books. Similar outcomes?
Brittany: Guys are stimulated visually, girls-emotionally. Video pornography takes your EYEs off of your spouse and lets someone or something else satisfy your desire. You are being satisfied by something OTHER than what God designed, making a husband or wife not NEED the other in that way. Girls that use this book to fulfill them in ANY way- emotionally, mentally, or physically are NOT going to get the benefits of oneness in a relationship. If you don't NEED your spouse to arouse you, to fulfill that desire, etc then you are NOT going to experience great sex or a great relationship. If you live with the mentality, "I can do it myself," you are NOT going to experience what God designed. Marriage is about needing, craving, enjoying your spouse so that it UNIFIES you and gives you a roaring passion for EACH OTHER and not for something or someone else.

End thoughts:
Brittany: Coming from experience, there is no SEX like that between a man and a woman in a marriage that is fueled by God. No toy, no bondage, no book (apart from the Bible) can make it better. Where than man loves the woman as she is. Where the woman needs only her husband. There is no better satisfaction because each is the others' ultimate pleasure. Where the presence of God is invited in. Where the fire is raging in the walls of a fireplace.. no destruction, in control, wholeness, oneness, passionate love. And if you don't have that, pray for it. God wants nothing more than a ONE marriage. He will GLADLY get your fire raging if you allow it to be Him and not the things the world is throwing at you saying "here try this, it makes your spouse lust you" or "it satisfies your brain" or "it satisfies your emotions so your husband doesn't have to."


Hebrews 13:4 Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex. (The Message)

Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery. (NLT)


We are to keep the marriage bed PURE.


Philippians 4:8
And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

Are your thoughts when reading this book OR any book pure? Would you want to share them with your Creator? your Father?

Prayer for this Nation

God I pray for your mercy. Your people don't know what they are doing. I knew that we would face trials and persecution for our faith, but I didn't know the end days would be so near so soon. It makes me sad for Kinsley's generation and the generations to come that they will have to face it even more so. Why does it feel like all of a sudden people don't believe in your word? People that I thought were Christians- that I had gone to church with or christian school with now don't believe?

I pray for divine appointments of people willing to hear the good news... bring about those that HATE the mess they are in, the sin that entangles them, and the desire for freedom. Bring about people I can love on and show them that there is ANOTHER way! We ALL have things that come more naturally to us, maybe we are not a people person, or maybe we are not a speaker or leader, maybe we are argumentative and too quick to speak. Maybe we hate that our prejudices and stubbornness prevents us from doing so much more. We ALL have things to work on in our pursuit of holiness. 

Just because we have the loudest voice doesn't validate our statements. Just because we have a tender heart doesn't mean that we can be silent. God I pray for the people that don't know what your Word says about the issues that constantly come up making our nation battle against beliefs. I pray that this will be a time people will actually open up the Bible and go on a quest to see what you say about it-- not in just one verse but in the WHOLE book. We so often take things out of context. I pray that we will desire to KNOW your word and write it on our hearts. I pray that we will stop letting OUR words condemn and start praying for the Holy Spirit's conviction. I pray that I will restrain and fight my flesh that wants to lash out and prove points, I pray that your spirit will take over. Only let Your words flow.

I have heard you say that this is a call... a call to step up and be bold... but i have a hard time finding the line between boldness and sensitivity. Social media isn't always the place to voice your opinion or your prayer revelations. Not all are ready for the "food"... they're barely ready for the milk.

Hebrews 5:12-14

Amplified Bible (AMP)

¹² For even though by this time you ought to be teaching others, you actually need someone to teach you over again the very first principles of God’s Word. You have come to need milk, not solid food.

¹³ For everyone who continues to feed on milk is obviously inexperienced and unskilled in the doctrine of righteousness (of conformity to the divine will in purpose, thought, and action), for he is a mere infant [not able to talk yet]!

¹⁴ But solid food is for full-grown men, for those whose senses and mental faculties are trained by practice to discriminate and distinguish between what is morally good and noble and what is evil and contrary either to divine or human law.

The road is narrow. Everyone wants to believe that they are going to heaven. (Matt. 7:14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.) 
Proverbs 14:12
There is a way which seems right to a man and appears straight before him, but at the end of it is the way of death


I pray that we will TEST what we hear, match it up to Your Word and ask YOU to show us where we are wrong or right. I pray we won't argue on feelings and emotions and act out on our flesh. I pray that we will just see that THE DAY, the Day your Kingdom comes is approaching more and more.. Are we ready?! I know I am! I can't wait for the curse of sin to be gone, for when righteousness will triumph, where the enemy will be defeated... where we can just Be. 






Amen!